Theraputic Diary blog

Just finished my graduate show from Second City. Still have a throbbing headache from the music, heat of the theatre, emotions, lights, and talking. I had to get home. To be honest, I feel the show went well. Everyone in my group did the best show they have ever done. I also feel it was my best show. But I have learned that this is not the type of thing in life that make me happy. I don't mean working with others. I love my group and it was amazing working with them and I am so happy it went well. What I'm saying is I'm not interested in the fact that it was our best show. I don't get joy out of the result, I get it out of the process. This is not a choice, it's more of a curse. It's being in the scene. writing something, or playing of the sport where I am genuinely interested and excited. When the product is done and I go look back at it I get a headache. If I am creating, writing, trying to do something I'm happy. When I reflect or celebrate, I feel, wierd. It's kinda scary.

I am almost doomed to self distaste. This is not to say I dislike myself. I don't dislike myself. I like who I am and what I am pursuing. As an artist, or writer, or athlete, or whatever I am I always question my work and ability. Also my taste in art is constantly changing. By art I mean life choices. Music, fashion, tv, film, food, hairstyle, sports, moods, coffe brands, facebook status, screen savers, and anything else where creativity is an option.
I am also a hardcore work-a-holic. When I was a tennis player I would have to hit a ton of serves everyday and do fitness everyday because if I didn't, I would feel like I didn't deserve to win. I would have a voice in the back of my head saying, "You're not doing enough. Go hit more balls, or you will lose. "On top of that, I was always obsessed with trying to change the look of my technique. this voice stays there, it's just the topic that changes.

These thought patterns aren't healthy together.

With film, as soon as I finish something I feel like I could have done it better. So much so, to the point where as soon as I'm done something it is my sheer goal to get as far away from it as soon as possible so I don't think about it. Crazy.

I perfer the art direction part of everything I do the most. I think that's because it allows me to express myself without using my actual self. I find the most modesty and connection with this aspect of art. Colours and silences. Using a colour palet to tell a story is the most universal. If a film can be watched without the dialogue (not the sound) it is a film worth watching. As I continue to write and try to make film I want to branch out to some romantic colour silence stuff. I don't know exactly what that is yet. I feel it involves heavy film grain, wet sidewalks, and flourescent pastels (if those even exist)

When I get great news, I immediately start to try to find reasons why the news is not so great. If something goes well, I don't want to talk about it and I feel like watching tv to celebrate. That is my idea of celebrating something exciting these days. Watch football and do some stretching. This sounds healthier than partying, but I can't help but think this isn't healthy. My social life art form has gone to shit. Expand on social life being some peoples choice of art.

relcusive is unhealthy.


blah blah

Women are the Best: Daily

Becuase lots more cute animals and juicy fruits are found on women's sexy underwears.

news, facebook, and beds

today was the craziest day of my life. I aged 4 years in 4 hours. I got the best news I have ever received (I will reveal it when I'm allowed to), and 20 minutes later I was informed that a person in my social network had passed away.

I am preparing for a huge comedy show this Sunday, so my blog has suffered. but I have to do it as I am superstitious and if I don't do it, I will be pissing off God.

SOOOO

Facebook/model and not the other way around

I thought of something that annoys me, as I am putting together my facebook etiquette top ten list. There are people in my facebook friends group that actually post pictures of famous people, or models, that kinda sorta look like them and try to pass them off as 'really good pictures of them'. Like we, the creepers, are supposed to just assume it was a good angle, good hair day, great lighting, or just how they look now.

For example a friend of mine has this picture on her facebook wall of a model. The model looks like her. I could see how at first glance, your average generali could glance at this pic in passing and think it was just a GREAT photo of her. But I'm no generali. I'm insane and know exactly what she is up to. Basically, what she is trying to do is pass a photo of a perfect person off as her in good lighting from the right angle. I have over 10 people in my network that do this. If you do this. Stop, or comment why you do this please. I want to investigate these types of people. They make for great comedy skits if you can portray them from their sincere POV.

COACH CASEY

Coach Casey's life motto. He lives by this, and is in the process of designing a tattoo around this slogan...a perfectly made bed.

'Everybody has two choices in life; either get out of bed, or don't get out of bed.'

Women are the best: Daily X2

I actually forgot to do my women are the best daily post yesterday. Commitment issues.

1. Because when something good happens to a man the first thought he gets is "I can use this postive energy to get a woman!".

2. Because being a bitch is bad for a guy, but for a girl, it's kind of hot.

Politics and Fajitas

part 3 JACK ASTOR'S

Conor sits in front of three empty plates. Tony takes his sweet time enjoying his food. Time jumps forward twice while Conor sits and watches Tony eat anxiously. Finally Tony is done. Alas, the bill is laid down on the table. Conor reaches for the bill.

Conor: It's my turn to get. Right?

Tony: Bro, I think, yeah, your turn. Right?

Conor: I'm pretty sure. So we're not counting those drinks I got yesterday then, I guess?

Tony: (surprised) Oh. The pints. I, um, yeah I suppose we could, in theory. So that would make it my turn in the rotation then. Is that what you're saying?

Conor: I don't know. I just know that you bought dinner last time (points at Tony). But we grabbed drinks last night (points to himself), and now we're here having dinner again and we have a bill (points at the bill), so...

Tony pulls out his wallet as Conor slowly goes for his own.

Tony: That's fine bro.

Conor: Thanks man, I 100% have next.

The waiter, Jason, walks by and Conor grabs his attention. He stops.

Jason: All set here?

Conor points at Tony.

Tony: umm, yeah. Debit.

Jason's reaction says 'debit? are you serious?'.

Jason: Okay... you have to come to the front for that.

Tony: (to Conor) Walk of shame bro.

Tony walks with debit card visibly in hand. Conor and Jason follow as restaurant customers watch in judgement. Finally, they reach the front. Tony begins to use the debit machine.

Tony: Okay....checkings, yep...$43.76, Ok...do you, wait, what? (looks closer at the debit screen) 'Tony you are aware that you paid for dinner last time'....umm, (presses button) accept...

Conor: what?

Tony: I don't know...(reading screening) what!? 'It isn't your turn in the rotation, are you sure you want to accept this transaction to encourage your friends cheapness....ummm...Ok'(presses button)

Conor: (laughs) dude-

Tony: Is this... 'Your friendship with Conor do you wish to keep it or cancel it?' I think Cancel (presses button).

Conor: dude-

Tony: It's pending.

Conor: (guilty) I'll grab it. Cancel the transaction.

Tony: Too late it already went through.

Tony grabs his receipt.

Conor: You're a bastard. You know I got the next one.

Tony: I know, I'm just... (offers Conor the receipt) is this yours? No wait. (puts it in his pocket)

Conor: Make me feel like shit.

Tony laughs at the grief he just caused. Conor stuffs his pockets with lolly-pops.

Tony: (still laughing) Bro, are you kidding?

Conor: Want one?

Tony: They're free bro.

Conor puts a lollipop in his mouth as the two walk out laughing.

Scene

Cell phone ettiquette: the voicemail

11. Voicemail rules.

a) straight to voicemail means phone is off.

c) a full ring (usually about 4) and then a pause to voicemail. The person missed the call. Usually this is a legitmate miss. *

c) ringings and then suddenly the voicemail picks up. The person on the other end saw that you're calling, and pressed ignore call. Either they are in a situation where they should have turned their phone off and are now being busted for having their phone on. OR, they are telling you to f-off. Justified paranoia either way.

*this might mean they just turned their ringer off. If this is the case you're dealing with a cell phone jedi.

Compliments suck

Here is a unique phenomenon I have exposed about humans. Often, when we are complimented we like to follow it with a self depricating comment. not all the time, but it is something that happens so much that I am going to investigate. Here are some examples.

Ex. Conor: "Jennifer, your hair looks beautiful today"

Jen: "Thanks, yeah I decided to try and control the mess today"

This implies that she feels she is normally a mess. She is very vulnerable, and wants love. A flurry of compliments and she'll break down and cry.

Example 2

"Ken you are a great person, everyone here likes you"

Ken: "Well, for now. Hopefully I don't screw it up(laughs)"

Ken feels awkward and doesn't want to seem cocky by actually accepting a compliment. (he hates cocky people). Accepting a compliment will make him feel arrogant and concieded. Thus, he puts himself down immediately. He is the type of leader that constantly needs to be told he is doing well, because if anything goes wrong he'll cocoon and say "I always screw up anyway, what did you expect"

These need to be investigated. I had 10 minutes to blog.

Thanks for reading my blog. You're a really nice and sincere person

Blog Teaser and Conictionary

due to a crazy day, I wasn't able to post a full blog. Here is an upcoming blogs list

human sabatoge- the new television show idea that I have (the mock script)
the sociology of debit (debit card ettiquette top ten list)
the art of the houdini (how to leave a party without anyone knowing you left)

Conictionary: 1st entry

'pay as you go': noun or adjective: Someone who is unreliable and often dissapears for large amounts of time. Examples of use;

"Jose is 'pay as you go' because I invited him to my party, he said he'd come, and then he didn't show.
"Fred is a 'pay as you go' because he doesn't have a job, he sleeps in till 1, and he never answers his phone."

Leaving a message: "Dude, what are you 'pay as you go'? where the hell are you"

feel free to comment with an example of a 'pay as you go' sentence of your own...please.

Women are the best: Daily

because, on the sexual learning curve, the only thing better than success is rejection....from a woman.

cell phone ettiquette

top ten social rules blossomed by cell phone life.

1. "I had no battery" this is a legitimate excuse to completely disappear and then reappear simply by stating 'my battery is recharged'. So is forgetting your phone anywhere.

2. "I had no signal". This is also a legitmate excuse, but creates more suspicion. Where the hell were you? In the underworld?

3. "I was out of minutes." This is for pay as you go people. I have no pay as you go friends and quiet frankly I don't want any, but I have heard this is an excuse they use.

4. "You called before 6 and I don't like to use daytime minutes." Do yourself a favor, and delete this person from your life. they don't like you, and if they do, they are going to get you in trouble.

5. My phone was on vibrate/or silent. This is actually a sign of maturity. A unique ringtone is a dead give away that the person needs to get a real job.

6. A phone call that is returned by a text rather than a phone call. This basically mean "Don't call me" It is also a way of saying I'm busier than you.

7. calling and then not leaving a message. This means "I called you, you will notice that you missed my call and then you will call me back". Two calls in a row is desperate.

8. private numbers and unknown numbers are always bad news and should be avoided.

9. If you warn the person that your phone might cut out. you can basically hang up whenever you want.

10. Speaker phone. Speaker phone makes the person who is on speaker phone feel subordinate, while the person listening on speaker phone feels confident like a jet fighter pilot.

Women are the Best: Daily

Because if they are really smart and funny you want them to hold you in their arms and tell you everything is OK. Even just smart can do most of the time.

A Producers Job

A lot of people don't know what a television producer does. Here is an example of a smart producer's decision.

Intervention the television show: A television show that documents the lives of people at rock bottom.

Producer's job: When do you air a show like this on tv?

Answer: Monday nights @ 9pm.

Reason: Monday's suck and people are home on Monday nights. How can a television show appeal to this or actually make Monday's better? Intervention is a show that appeals to our desire to see other people fail because in turn it makes us feel better about ourselves. The show makes viewers, subconciously, feel better by watching other people's misery and realizing that there are people out there worse off than them. This is a great way to finish a Monday isn't it? We have been through a rough day and we have more to go. Watching Intervention on Monday's night reminds us that Mondays are nothing compared to some things in life.

Producer's Conclusion: Intervention makes Monday night go down smoothly. Now give me my drug money!

Hello experiment: 'You're beautiful"

Today was a good day for the Hello experiment. The myths surronding hellos and compliments that I listed, couldn't be farther from the truth. Everyone is dying to be talked to in this disconnected technological hurricane we live in. Just stopping and initiating conversation in a polite way (without asking for something) can make your day and someone elses.

Today I looked at a woman (mid forties) who looked like she was having a rough day. I said to her. "crummy weather", to which she, without missing a beat, replied "really crummy". It got the feeling that she had been wanting to say that all day. Right after that I told her she had a beautiful smile. She was practically going to cry ( I know this is cheesy, but it was actually rather humorous) because of the comment. It wierded me out to be honest. But it was a cool moment. (something that would be hilarious on film).


Then, slyblogger, what do you think of this one.

Int. Grocery store -- night

Conor unloads two boxes of 'cinammon toast crunch' and a bag of chips onto the check out conveyor belt from his cart. Victoria, thirties, attractive business woman type, waits in front of him with her groceries already on the belt. She has asparagus, healthy stuff, and reads an 'In touch magazine'

Conor: Your grocery selection makes me feel unhealthy.

Victoria: (laughs) Yeah well I have some junk in here. Look taco shells.

Conor: Taco shells eh? Cinammon toast crunch, jalapeno chips and coke.

Victoria: yeah, that's OK though.

Conor: I'm not ashamed. (refers to his dog food; a bag of salmon purina) My dog even eats healthier than me.

Victoria: Salmon (winks) the high life.

Conor: yep.

Victoria hands the cashier the 'In Touch' magazine to add it to her purchase.

Conor: So there is your junk. You eat healthy but you read shit.

Victoria: laughs.

Conor: I'm the other way around. I eat shit, but I only read fine literature.

Victoria: so where is your reading material?

Conor: At the library! I don't buy my books at Metro. But I do know a guy who knows the inside scoop on Brad and Angelina.

Victoria: sure you do.

Conor: Yeah, give me your number and I'll act as a middle man for you.

Victoria: I'm married.

Conor: That's awesome. So that's why you eat so well. I guess I eat like a bachelor don't I?

Victoria: I think my husband would eat like that if he didn't cook.

Conor: So I am your type. Over all this is a positive moment for me.

Victoria: (laughs) Bye.

Victoria exits.


I want to make it clear that I don't normally do stuff like this. This is an experiment in which I am just trying to be nice to people. I also plan on using these scenarios in 'scripts'.

This blog has forced me to try to do these things and they have made me a much happier person.

Women are the best: Daily

Because they have two sexual places, one up top and one down below, where as men only have one.

Coulier's blog: Space Face

Today the Canadian national anthem got stuck on the ship. It ran 3 times before we realized it was skipping. I think this was a sign of how tired my crew and I are. After we fixed the radio I called my mom, in front of my crew, to apologize for faking the invasion the other day. My mom accepted my apology and I told her I love her in front of all of them. I don't see one reason why they would want to avoid me now. But I was thinking lately...what if they disliked me because of my face. Just the appearance of my face. Like if I have one of those dislikeable faces. I am not saying dislikeably good looking, because I wouldn't necessarily say I am noticeably good looking. Well in certain lighting I am, but I am not constantly complimented on my looks. Friends of mine that are noticeably, annoyingly, good looking are constantly being complimented and at times their faces are annoying because of how oblivious what's behind it is to what's in front of it. You want to punch them because your whole life you've been told that looks don't matter, (which is a way for adults to tell awkward children that with a good personality and hard work they too can sleep with an attractive person) and they are dating a beautiful and smart person that you know is just with them because of their face. On the contrary, I wouldn't say I'm noticeably ugly. I have been insulted by little kids that don't know any better and I have had a few girls give me the 'ewww' face, but nothing too serious. So is it possible that my looks and appearance are just annoying, or not fun to be around? There are some people that are just a good buzz to be around because of their looks and attitude. Their laugh is fun to hear, they smile a lot and the way there face moves when they talk is enjoyable. I like to think I'm one of these people. But what if I'm not? Are my looks and mannerisms annoying? Maybe I have an annoying face. One of those faces that says 'go-away I'm in a bad mood', even when I'm just trying to look normal. Or a face that light doesn't reflect off efficently. Or maybe my face is just not fun to look at. I don't really know how to answer these questions. Actually, I think I should stop writing this blog. It's messing with my head. I'm going to delete it just in case one of my crew members sees it. They will surely lose respect for me if they do. I've been in space too long. I look fine.

Crowds and teenagers

Today I was too busy to do the 'hello' experiement but I had my fair share of interaction. I was rehearsing all day for my 'second city skit show', did the show, and it's now 6pm.

However, I did manage to devise a social theory based on the show I was involved in today compared to the one last weekend. Last weekend the audience was easily over 70, this week, close to 20. I can tell you that a large audience is much happier and receptive than a small audience. Making a 20 person audience laugh is much tougher than a 100 person audience. 20 persons and less audiences are like an insecure teenager. They don't want to laugh, just in case what they laugh at isn't considered funny by their peers (other audience members), because that would mean they aren't cool. On the contrary, a 70+ audience is like drunk teenagers at a party. There are enough loud laughers, and drunk bafoons around so everyone is laughing and after a while they forget why.

This has to do with the feeling of invasion we all try desperately to avoid all day long. In a small group we feel that we are being judged. So here are some mental hypothesis that surround close space laughter.


If I laugh at that joke in front of this small group of people they will notice my laughs and then be able to judge my laugh; ie. is it annoying, is it cool, etc..

If I laugh at that joke in front of this small group of people they will assume that I can relate to that joke a little too much, and maybe I'm the same creep that is being identified through that joke. Ie. laughing at a facebook joke like the one below-

"I love being poked" - If I laugh at this, people around who didn't laugh now think that I love to get poked.

If I laugh at that joke and other people don't I will look like an idiot.

Stay tuned for more, BUT, in temporary conclusion, the reason I didn't get a ton of laughs today, is not because I wasn't hilarious. It was because there weren't enough people in the audience to allow everyone to remain anonymous with their laughter. I feel a lot better after writing this.....

Women are the best: Daily

As long as their behind looks good in jeans they can have the worst fashion sense and still be really sexy.

Dream last night: Human Polar bear

Had a dream last night in which I was having dinner with George W Bush, Barak O' Bama and a human polar bear. The human polar bear actually shaved all his hair off and was now just a normal human, but his hair was growing back pretty quickly. His behaviours where more like a seal. He could do tricks, which he did at the dinner table, and he wouldn't stop talking about his natural habitat; the ocean. Plus I don't think Polar bears need water, it's not like they are fish, but in my dream it made perfect sense that he was a polar bear and a human, and was invited to a dinner to celebrate his heroics.

It was an honouray dinner for the first human polar bear, and I was invited. The dinner was in a beautiful dining room, that I have been in before, but can't pin point when and where. The dining room was location 5 stories above ground, with a balcony in the back and below us was the Arctic sea. After dinner and some photos, I took a liking to the human polar bear (didn't have a name) and we got to talking. Half way through our conversation he started to cry and began to walk towards the balcony. I followed him and insisted that he stay for a night cap. He continued and we both stopped at the banister overlooking the water. The stars were shining and wind blowing. With a tear in his eye he informed me that he had to return to the water now or else he would die. I understood, and with a spring he dove over and into the water. Immediately,I rushed to my computer and tried to make one of the photos of Bush, Obama, the human polar bear, and I, my facebook profile picture. It wouldn't allow me to! Even when I cropped it. When it uploaded it was a completely different picture. This left me thinking, im my dream, did that human polar bear exist, or was he just a fragment of my imagination?

Dream analysis: Me wanting to make the picture my facebook profile picture, tells me that I wanted the whole world to think I'm important because of the people I got to eat with, and that for some reason I valued my profile pic more than anything else?? I have to delete my facebook account and hopefully that human polar bear will come back and finish the conversation.

Hello report: End of Day 1

so a rough start but a good finish to day 1 of the 'hello experiment'

Summary: Said hello to a bunch of random people on the street. All where very charmed by my hellos in the afternoon. Saying hello in the morning is much tougher.

Highlight of the day: Dinner @ Jack Astor's to discuss film with brother Lyndon. (I go there a lot these days, but not the same one as I normally go to)

Here it is

Interior--Jack Astor's Bar and Grill -- Saturday night

Conor and Lyndon sit down for dinner. Right when they sit down the martyred writes the time 7:50, in crayon, on the construction paper place matt. Conor quickly takes a crayon and changes the time from 7:50 to 7:15. The waitress, Cait, stunningly beautiful, shows up 10 seconds later with menus. Conor instantly points to the time.

Conor: We have been waiting for 30 minutes!

Cait: Oh my God! (laughs) I am such an idiot.

Conor: We're totally insulted.

Cait: (playing along and laughing hard) you must want to kill me, you've been here for like 40 minutes! I'm such a jerk.

Conor: yeah well, no problem. Jerk.

Cait: (laughs)

Cait writes her name on the table

Conor: Cait? as in 'Kate'? Is that how you spell it?

Cait: Yep. Short for Caitlin (spells the rest adding the lin)

Conor: Great name.

Cait only dots one of the 'i's in her name.

Conor: not going to dot that other 'i' hun? May I?

Cait: (laughs) so sweet of you.

Conor: are you kidding, it will be my pleasure.

Conor grabs a crayon and dots the 'i' very passionately.

Conor: damn that felt good.

Cait: (practically in tears laughing so hard) can I get you some drinks.

Conor (in my head- I love you) uhh..

Lyndon: A pitcher of Canadian.

Conor: sounds good.

Cait: (laughs dying down) I'll be right back.

Cait leaves. Conor and Lyndon make eye contact.

Conor: Lyndon, I don't drink, eh.

After that the rest is history and I eventually got her phone number. BUT. I highly recommend the time change if you go to Jack Astor's. I invented it today, and I imagine it would be a great ice breaker in any situation.

All and all my theory that people want to be treated nice is supported.

Compliments always go appreciated, and it's harder to say 'no' than it is to say 'yes', even if you want to say 'no'.

Women are the best: Daily

Flavoured Lip Smackers.

Guys wish they could wear it, so kissing a girl with lip smackers on gives us an excuse to wear it un-intentionally.

mid day hello report

so - I have attempted to say 'hello' to a few random people.

First conclusion: People are professionals at avoiding eye contact. Eye contact is a fearful encounter. I will write a chapter in my book about it, and I want to study the history of it. It is as if we behave like people can see our darkest secrets simply by looking into our eyes.

Emotional level: I am actually in a bad mood because of the experiment so far.

Highlight: Said 'hi' to one guy who was walking his dog while I was walking mine. We both walked past each other smiling, and greeted with a healthy hello. I instantly felt good.

Pressure: I was in a Coffee shop waiting for my coffee. A cute girl was waiting in line and there were about 7 other people in line. She obviously just rolled out of bed and was projecting "I just want to be left alone" I wanted to say 'hi' but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I imagined the whole place going dead silent and still if I had broken this crippling unwritten law. I tried to make eye contact, it was avoided, grabbed my coffee and left.

Summary: So far majority of 'hellos' have been unreturned or ignored, quiet simply because it is such a struggle to make eye-contact. Accepted ones make me feel good.
Stay tuned....

Oh my God, that guy just said "Hello" to me...

I actually heard a girl say this to one of her friends after a guy said hi to her at the bar. This to me was one of the worst scenes of indecency I have ever experienced. I thought, how rude, and for a blink I thought "women are evil", but then I knew better than to generalize a whole sex based on one wafer-like hipster. BUT THIS raises the question...

Is it creepy to say hello to someone you don't know? Why is it creepy?

It's because of all the stupid cliches and broken telephone stories people have constructed in their heads about when it is OK, and when it is not OK, to simply say 'hello'. Basically as people in the year 2008, we want to appear so important and busy and en route to our destinations. "I have to go here so I am traveling please don't disturb me' is what we are saying all the time without saying it. Our society projects that anyone who has the time to stop and have a conversation isn't important enough to stop and have a conversation with. They aren't working hard enough; they don't matter. This is complete nonsense and the problem with society. We say 'hi' only under the most business related and scripted instances. Personally, I only want to say 'hi' to people I don't know. People I do know, I have already said 'hi' to enough that I don't want to anymore.

So on national 'hello' day, here are some myths we worry about when contemplating saying hello to strangers:

-I can't say hello to that beautiful girl she's listening to her ipod and probably wants to be alone because a girl that wears an ipod has a boyfriend.

-I can't say hello to that person, she's walking fast with her head down. This means she's obviously in a rush to get somewhere and if I try to talk to her, I will be showing her I don't have a job because I don't respect punctuality.

-If I say 'hello' to this person she is going to tell me to 'fuck off'. I will appear like a creep in-your-face douchebag if I try to engage in conversation with this person because it is disrespectful and perverted to force your greetings onto someone you would like to get to know better.

-I would say 'hello' but she's on the other side of the street and if I cross to say hi, I'll look like this was my intention, and I don't want that. Last thing I want is a girl to think I'm intentionally going out of my way to do something for her, or wait, is that right?

-I can't say 'hello' to that person because other people are within earshot and I don't want them to think I do this all the time. This might start a rumbling of 'who the, what the, this guy, who's this guy, get him outta here, blah blah..."

-Only crazy people say 'hello' to people for no reason other than to say 'hello'. That's how you can tell someone is crazy; if they just say hello for no reason other than to be nice.

So in response to these mythical cognitions, tomorrow I am going to see how many compliments I can make to random people and I will attempt to break as many of these as possible. I will record them on my blog as well as the reaction.

I will compliment everyone I want to compliment. If I see someone who I think is attractive, has nice shoes, or just plain looks interesting, I will compliment them.

Random people that I want to say hello to or that look like someone I might be interested in talking to I will say hi to.

Here it goes. I'm nervous as hell. For no reason really...

Women are the best: Daily

Because vicariously, through their boyfriend's stories, you can enjoy them as well.

Politics and Fajitas

Interior Jack Astor's Bar and Grill

Conor(27), and Tony(28), sit at a booth with a construction paper place mat. A waiter approaches the table, writes his name..."JASON!"... on the table with a crayon and then hands the boys menus.

Jason: Thanks for coming to Jack Astor's. First time to a Jack's or...?

Conor: Not even close Jason we're practically tenants (smiles). We come here all the time. Yeah so, I think we're ready to order, I don't even need to look at this. Tony, do you want to go or should I just...

Tony studies the menu.

Tony: Uhh, bro, go ahead, I just want to check one thing.

Conor: Okay, we'll split the beef nachos--

Tony:(interupts) Uhh, I think for today, you go ahead, I might not.

Conor: No splits on the beef nachos?

Tony: Umm, it's just, just go without me for this one I think today.

Conor: Is it the beef? No beef is fine with me.

Tony: It's not that, the beef is fine, just go with it and I'm going to hang back.

Conor: (shocked) Alright. I'll just get a small beef nachos. And we'll have the chicken fajitas for two--

Tony: Uhh. I don't think I'm going to--

Conor: sorry steak--

Tony: It's not the meat selection, it's just, today, because, normally, you know what, you get them. I'm going to pass.

Conor: So no fajitas for two...? Fajitas for just 1, you sure?

Tony: umm, pretty sure, yeah.

Conor: should Jason come back?

Tony: No.

Conor: Fine. So I guess I'll get the fajitas for one, and I'll get a corona, unless ,Tony, what do you think about one of those buckets of little coronitas--

Tony: Nope.

Conor: Of course. Small nachos, fajitas, and a fucking corona, all for 1.

Jason: Got it. (to Tony) Do you need some more time sir?

Tony: (thinks about it) you know what, I'll just get the same.

Conor is mesmerized and stares at Tony in disbelief.

Jason: Got it. Ill be right back with your individual beers.

Jason grabs the menus and walks off. Conor is stunned as Tony avoids eye contact.

Conor: Dude? have you lost your mind?

Tony: What? I just wanted to try it this way for a change.

Conor: It's way cheaper if we split, plus, I thought you were driving?

Tony: It's one beer dude, not a whole bucket.

Conor and Tony sit in silence. They both pick up crayons and draw on the construction paper.

End of scene 1 - stay tuned for the meal.... coming soon.....

Women are the best: Daily

I don't even know how to spell Misogynist.

Because it's fun to try new moves on them.

Would you go Sober if....

Would you go sober if...

You died in a fire: Say you had a fire at your apartment caused by a ciggarette butt thrown in a garbage bin while you were drunk, passed out on the floor in your room in a puddle of your own puke. A fireman rushed through your blazing apartment, and hauled you out. You were covered in black soot and had no vital signs upon arrival at the hospital but they shocked you back to life. You were dead for 2 minutes. People ask you all the time what it was like to be dead and you answer; 'it was a very relaxed small feeling'. You remember it very well. It was like...sleeping. You never get bored of being in a deep sleep, so from now on you're not really scared of death.

then.......

You went to jail for drunk driving: So you didn't learn from your death and kept drinking. Got busted behind the wheel completely hammered and told the cops you refused to take a breathalizer. They tossed you in the back of the car, after smacking you around a few times. You spent the night in jail. Had to go to AA. Went 3 times and then quit.

then...

Drunk driving again: Got caught again, but was let off the hook for 'being honest'.

Public urination: jail time. The night before your Big ten tennis championship semi-finals.

Drugs: lots of drugs, the big ones, not on purpose, when your drunk only.

women are the best: daily

I have been accused of thinking I'm a masochonist and therefore doing this coloumn to convince myself, and the few people who read it, that I'm not. The answer to this is to either make this daily more humor oriented which would eventually end up being masochonist, or, ignore the accusation.


Women are the best because I am so busy with work the only time I talk to them is when they pay me to teach them how to play tennis.


I have gone the feel 'sorry for myself' direction for now.

Coulier's blog

How did I let my crew fall out of sync? Does this make me a bad captain. Tomorrow (well in 8 hours, I am not even sure what time it is right now) I am implementing a 9-5 schedule on board. We will wake up every morning to the Canadian National Anthem just like we did back in academy. Plus we have our three month evaluation coming up in 72 hours, so I want my crew to be fresh for this meeting. I want us to project the appearance that we do everything together. The ultimate goal would be if we could finish each other's sentences. To me this is the perfect sign of a gelling unit. One thing I hate is when people try to finish my sentences, but finish them with the wrong words. this happened today with Fred and I. I said, "Fred I can't remember the last time I-" and before I could finish this sentence he said, "cried" but I was going to say "laughed". This really worried me. It reminded me of a martian in Grand City that would stutter and try to finish my sentences but would always be way off. So far from the last word I was looking for that his sentences would make me think he wasn't paying any attention to what I was saying. Right now I feel that if my crew were to try to finish one of my sentences they would intentionally pick a bad word just to make me feel like an idiot, even though they knew the right word.

instant gratification

We are in a time now where if we want something we get it NOW. The times that we do spend waiting are quiet often because too much technology is being used at once. Technological sorting.

Even the processes of maturing, learning, discovering, trial, and error have been replaced with upgrading, processing,loading, profiling and malfunctions.

patience are a virtual virtue.

Women are the best: Daily

Because their imperfections are what make them perfect. My favorite toy growing up was a glow in the dark Shera doll that I left on my night-light for too long. Her face got a slight burn mark which made her even sexier.

SNEEZE ON ME, sneeze on me, SNEEZE ME ON

Sneezing is the new social controversy so I decided to do my homework on it to find out what it's all about. Here is the research on sneezing.

Sneezing: when you spray germs from your face all over the place.

Sneezing masturbation : A sneeze is actually a spasm or rather a miniature orgasm. Some people like to look into the sun or hot lights and have multiple sneezes/orgasms. This is sneezing masturbation.

'The BLESS YOU': every time you sneeze your soul jumps out of your body and becomes susceptible to the devil's hands. If someone isn't around to say 'bless you' then your soul can be captured by the devil and lugged down to hell. There is one other way to avoid this. say 'bless me'.

Sneezing history: Back in the days of yore it was actually impolite not to sneeze on someone after puking at their dinner table after a feast.

Sneezing today: Don't sneeze unless you're wearing a purel mouth filter. Sneezing is so frowned upon now that the 'sleeve sneeze' is the preferred sneeze catch. If you're wearing a short sleeved shirt, sneeze into your pants, and if you're wearing shorts then sneeze into your crotch. If you're wearing a speedo ask you're neighbour politely if you can use their towel, and while you're at it, ask if they can rub sunscreen on your hard to reach back.

Sneezing into the future: It appears that the sneeze is becoming more and more socially unacceptable. This will lead to an underground sneeze movement, in which people will congregate in discrete after-hours garages and warehouses to sneeze on each other and listen to gospel music. These will be called 'cancel out parties' and everyone will leave the same as they came in.

top 5 music groups of the day

5. Frankie goes to Hollywood

4. Psycadellic Furs

3. Tears for Fears

2. The Fine Young Cannibals

1. Peter Gabriel

Women are the best: Daily

Because they look sexy when they cut their hair really short like a boy.

Captain Coulier's captain's blog

Nov. 15th 20008

Location: Deep in the Fanderwol district just a worm hole from sector 3.

Today I raised a serious moral question; is a lie always a bad thing? I say no. Today I lied because I didn't want to talk to my mom on the communicator. It's Sunday and we were in the middle of a constellation when the communicator rang and it was, of course, my mom. I got my co-captain,Fred, to help me fake an invasion to get off the link with her. During the fictious invasion the rest of my crew ran into the cock pit scared and stupified by the event. Of course, they didn't know it was fake so their frantic activity was enough to get mom to hang up. Needless to say they were not pleased, and right away accused me of being a dishonest person. I thought they would think it was funny. But they didn't. Melanie, crew doctor, just scowled at me. Rick, crew photographer, laughed condesendingly, which technically he isn't allowed to do since I am his superior. I tried to explain to them that it was in good taste, and if anything a good thing becuase my mom always ends up feeling horrible when she talks to me because my manuerisms remind her of dad and she hates dad. But the crew didn't seem to care. Even Fred turned on me claiming that I made him do it and that he felt horrible the whole time. I guess that would explain his weak acting. The first thought that went through my head was 'I now know how the boy who cried wolf felt after the second time he cried wolf'. He probably just wanted the town's people to relax and, if anything, thank him for getting some energy in the village (even if it was fake) again. That's all I wanted from my crew; some support and a few laughs maybe. the second thought was; holly smokes they took all of 2 minutes to show up to the cockpit during the ficitous invasion! 2 minutes! and when they arrived Rick claimed to be taking his morning shower, Melanie was finishing dinner, and Iggy was enjoying his midnight snack. We're light years deep in space and my crew is completely out of sync. Two minutes to react to a life and death crisis. Our disconnected biological clocks are killing our chemistry. If we were actually being attacked we'd all be dead by now. Neh-If I wasn't full of shit we'd all be dead. So maybe the town's people/my crew should think less about whether the boy/me are truthful and more about how lucky they are to have a boy who's job it is to call wolf in the first place. As an exploration captain in the year 20008 my job is basically to call wolf, only I don't get to sit on a fence and doze off while counting sheep. I sit on a stool and count stars, wishing a wolf or invader will show up so I can call wolf and it actually mean something. We, as a crew, need to get in sync. Tomorrow I am implementing a schedule. Tonight I hope to count wolf in my sleep.

Captain out: that was the future before I wrote it.

Roomate proverbs

There are 2 types of roommates;


'those that think putting a dish in the sink is cleaning up, and those that think putting a dish in the sink is making a mess'


Con-fusion

top 5 bands of the day

This is a list that is always changing for me, and for you and will be updated daily

5. Tears for Fears

4. The Cars

3. Duran Duran

2. The Police

1. Peter Gabriel

Women are the best: Daily

Because they like to go to Starbucks a lot and I love coffee.

1st Wave Ghostbuster

Ghost do exist. They haunt us. But they aren't like Casper the friendly ghost. Ghosts are memories of past lovers that come back to haunt you at the most unexpected times. 'Just when you least expect it, the least expected' (Pet Shop Boys). For example you're walking in the mall and you catch a hint of a past girlfriend's perfume and a memory Slimer pops up and slimes you. You proceed straight to Manchu Wok for sweet and sour chicken balls and a Nestea; her favorite. These ghosts are hard to escape as we can't trap them in an external vault Ala Benkman and the Ghostbusters. But here now are some 1st wave music remedies for unruly memory haunters. Good Luck!

Guilt Ghouls: Instantly make you think 'I made a mistake, I ruined that, I won't do that again'. Guilt ghouls make you instantly regret what happened and can ruin the next few hours of your day. Remedy: Duran Duran 'Ordinary World' on full blast pronto.

Nostalgia Goblin: the hint of a nostalgia goblin in the air provokes "what could have been, what should have been". Instantly you wish you were back with that sexy troll under a bridge frolicking getting ready to go to a Myer for more frolicks. Remedy: Tears for Fears 'Head over Heels' alone sitting in your car windows up.

The Heebie Geebies : The haunting of a ghost you would never want to encounter again. You get disgusted by the fact that you had a relationship with this ghost. Remedy: Journey 'Don't Stop Believing' full blast and sing along.

learning experiences flying dog (still working on the name): A ghost that makes you proud to have encountered that special someone. It's a warm fuzzy memory that leaves you slightly happier. Increase the buzz: The Never Ending Story and a small bag of sour patch kids.

And remember: You've got the looks, I've got the brains, lets make lots of money.

Women are the best: Daily

Women can make your day just by looking at you. Like if you walk past an attractive one and you make eye contact for an extended amount of time; say 2 seconds or more. Heaven.

clear your human debt!!!

human debt: a person in your cell phone contacts you would never call or answer their call. They are just a number weighing you down.

CLEAR YOUR DEBT!!!
Cell phones have given us the opportunity to cut people out of our lives. I have recently been put in 'human debt' by someone I thought was my friend. The last interaction we had was a text message from them "Lets hang out tonight. I'll call you, it's been too long!" Since that text message; nothing. I have tried to contact them but not a word typed, texted or spoken. This happens to me quiet often to be honest, but I do it to, so I'm not looking for sympathy. Now in the early cell phone years I would be concerned about this person's whereabounce. Are they OK? they wanted to hang out tonight, but haven't responded to my call or texts. Geez I hope they are OK, maybe I should report a missing person. Not in the year 2008. Making plans with someone and then not following through is the honourable way to say "I never want to talk to you ever again". Call me old fashion but I prefer when someone lets me know why they don't like me. That way I can insult them one last time before I become human debt to them.

SO I am trying to start a movement. Look in your cell phone, find the name of someone you have put in 'human debt' and clear you debt. Call them or text them and tell them why your done with them. This is much nicer than leaving them wondering why they suck.

Women are the best: Daily

Skin so smooth when it's sunny it shines and you can see your reflection.

get freaky with one sentence

A freaky transition sentence.

These are used to turn a regular conversation with a woman into a sexual encounter.

1. 'My underwear is black, what colour is yours?'
2. 'I like your necklace.' move in and play with it, then look in her eyes.
3. 'It smells like strawberries, is that your lip glose? does it taste like strawberries too?'

can't think of any others....

Things that make me sad

1. time: when I have too much time alone and I start thinking about, ya know, 'stuff'.
2. alcohol: 1 sip and I'm a depressed houdini looking for a chance to escape.
3. ipods:When a really attractive girl walks by me and she has her ipod headphones in. This, to me, is a missed opportunity for love. Can't really tap her on the shoulder, get her to take her headphones out, and then drop a line like "Excuse me, are you a piece of bread because I'm a duck and you make me quack".
4. mornings: when I have to go to the bathroom at like 6:10am in the morning but I know if I get up and go and then try to go back to sleep it will screw up my whole sleep pattern, so I end up lying in bed having to piss for 50 minutes. more frustrated, but sad.
5. guilt: the eyes my dog flashes me as I leave the house.
6. me: when I see myself in bad lighting.
7. then: when I see a picture of myself on facebook where I look like a dipshit.
8. Simon: the fact that my best friend moved to England. Come back and bring your hot girlfriend too. I like being your third wheel.
9. Love: I listen to a lot of 1st wave music. I like being sad.
10. Ricky Gervais: the television show Extras. I love it but it makes me sad. In a good way.
11. September: back to school.

things that make me happy

1. girls with amazing bodies.
2. girls with beautiful faces.
3. girls with both.
4. people that are really laid back and accepting of others.
5. getting new emails.
6. new text messages.
7. hitting a tennis ball in the middle of my racquet.
8. earning a nap.
9. coffee.
10. really good songs on the radio.
11. when a friend has sex with someone they have been trying to have sex with. I feel good for them.
12. When I have sex with some I'm trying to have sex with.
13. inside jokes.
14. writing a blog for therapy.
15. helping people.
16. complimenting strangers.
17. my dog.
18. When I have sex with someone I wasn't even trying to have sex with but it just worked out perfectly.
19. When I have sex with someone I don't even particulary want to have sex with.
20. When a friend of mine has sex and then tells me about it in a funny way.

Women are the best: Daily

Because on a windy day there is nothing sexier than a woman's body underneath a thin burka. And to think how windy it is in the middle eastern deserts. No wonder those guys have gone a little bananas.

Invention intervention

10 inventions the world would be better without

10. the wheel - what's the rush?
9. fire - I know a great sushi place.
8. perfume - personally I adore the aroma of a female, and a female should adore the smell of a man. We should still shower and everything, but do we really need to be walking around smelling like lilac and almond bisque soup?
7. guns - assuming they actually exist, I've only seen them on the news and in movies...and at my buddy Vala's house...
6. golf - so nerdy.
5. interventions - according to the show everyone relapses anyways.
4. electricity - more sex in the daylight folks
3. airplanes - great invention, but what a gastly situation it would be to passenger in one during a proper blunder of sorts.
2. Chinese Juggling sticks- there are like 3 tricks and then you've master them.
1. mirrors- Imagine if neither of us had a clue what we looked like. We would all be so much better looking.

Conor @ 30

All this 'live in the present' stuff is becoming nostalgic.

I live for Conor Casey at 30 yrs old. I want him to be remembered. So I behave like a rockstar trying to make a follow up record to his hit debut. I am not trying to repeat the same style and give people what they have grown to love or hate. No sir. I am experimenting with weird sounds, different words, and taking huge risks, in order to create an art piece compromisingly different than what people are accustomed to. It is a trial and error period, and, like the release of the first single off a new album, a lot of people are looking at each other saying "what the hell is this". Or in my case "Who the hell is this guy?". I'm still the same Conor Casey. Just fermenting and maturing to my own oxygen level. So, ladies, if I 'hit' on you by telling you 'you're the sexiest God damn beast I have ever had the privilege of entrenching in my eye line' I am being sincere but I'm also trying new things.

Conor Casey 30 release date 2011

Women are the best

Sober Conor: Daily Reason why I love women

I am going to blog everyday about why women are the greatest creatures on the planet. Today is the 1st blog.

1. "Because they are cute when they are making fun of you"

Today 3 week aniversary

Today marks the 3 week anniversary of my soberity. Where this is not a big deal for most, for me it is fair sized. I haven't gone 3 weeks without drinking or 'smoking' in about 12 years.

Can honestly say I don't feel any better.

Stay posted, on my sober journeys.

I was driving in my car and a lady in a blue car wouldn't 'let me in' as I was trying to merge before an upcoming construction site. Now according to the rotation of 'let one in, then go, let one in then go', I was next, but , she just peered forward and kept the space impossible for me to sneak into. Luckily, I could sense her peripheral vision was completely engaged so I called the side of her face a 'bitch' as she rolled past me. Pay backs a bitch, bitch.

ways to tell people you're better than them

10 ways to say 'I'm better than you' without actually saying it.

1.  "I used to have a cell phone but I had to get a blackberry."

2. "I didn't see that, because I'm super busy I don't have time to watch TV."

3. "I have to get up really early for my work."

4. When apologizing: "I'm sorry if you feel that way."

5. Their response to what you do for a job is "that sounds interesting" or "that sounds totally fun."

6. You mention a bar you recently attended to which they reply: "I used to go there."

7. "I do Yoga."

8. "I only drink wine. And preferably red if you haves"

9. "I don't have a dog I am a cat person."

10. When you ask them a yes or no question they answer 'sure'.

mullet

I have a full on mullet hair style. There is no question, it is a mullet and people comment on it everywhere I go. The thing with a mullet is you have to always be in a good mood when you have one because that way people know it's intentional. You have to smile and point at it to let people know that you are aware that you have one and that you actually wanted it that way. Accept it and you will love it like I do. Enjoy it. Then the second you're in a sad mood your hair becomes an enigma. So if you grow a mullet you better be ready to party because the second you try to be serious you get mistaken for a cyborg with no sense of humour sent from the future to feed people jump kicks.

blog driver's waltz

This is my first blog. I can't help but feel incredibly pressured by this moment. As a result, my mind is completely blank, and when I try to think it just gets blanker. This is a common trait among, well, myself. Trying to think just results in poor thinking, or a blank mind. I sit down and tell myself to think and then get impatient when my brain doesn't think the way I would like it to think. But even when I think of things I think are interesting, 2 minutes later I'm bored of those thoughts.
I was hoping to write a real Seinfeldian, 'what's the deal' or 'did you ever notice' or 'I hate when people' or 'how many times have you seen' or 'why is it that everytime we' or 'I swear people always' or 'Do we really need to' or 'it wasn't a pick it was a scratch!'. But nope. Well here let me try....what happened today. Woke up late compared to when I normally wake up and hit my snooze three times. That is a 1/2 hour extension. 3 incremints of 10. What's the deal with the snooze button anyway? Like is a snooze a '10 minute' nap, is that what the word 'snooze' means offically? Is ten minutes the offical amount for a snooze button or are there alarm clocks that vary. What if I set an alarm for 8 minutes from now, and then press snooze. Is that going to still be a 10 minute snooze? That would make my nap shorter than my snooze. I would be looking forward to the snooze so much I wouldn't be able to sleep. What I'm saying is the snooze is a very presumptious funtion in society. It isn't discussed, and I don't think it's legally bound to 10 minutes, yet it is assumed to be by everyone. THUS

My prediction of the day: The first company that comes out with an 11 minute snooze button will make tons of money.