The Text message time balance : When time* between text messages is being matched consistently by both sides of the conversation.
When you take 2 hours to text someone back, and then they take 2 hours to text you back. If you both maintain the approx. 2 hour rule, the text power stays balanced, and both parties can communicate freely and happily.
* best when time is over 1 hour. This gives both sides time to take the text message in without feeling the pressure that they need to be quick, clever and respectful right away.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Texting: Pre Dating
TEXT Pre -DATING: When you engage in text message conversations with someone you have yet to go on a date with. Text pre-dating occurs usually after exchanging numbers. The ultimate goal is to get a face to face date.
Quite often in the early development stages of a relationship potential partners have to partake in 'text pre-dating'. When partaking in this routine it is important to understand that Text dating is usually about what isn't being written. Here are some other variables that effect how someone interprets a text message.
Time in between texts: The less time in between texts, the less that person is doing at the moment. If you receive a text message immediately after sending it, you also read that the person is not doing anything, and very invested in your current conversation. Giving you all your attention.
Time of day text is sent: Before lunch, is wierd. After 10pm is a booty text. During the day, usually business, or flirts.
Amount of questions asked in the text: too many questions should just be a phone call. Text messages just be short, cute and sweet...questions appear like you are trying to keep the conversation going.
Spelling: Using bad spelling is okay, but if it's too 'text language' you can come across as immature, or a text slut (someone who is always texting everyone)
Length of text: too long is sketchy. Too short is dismissive.
emoticons: too many is nervous or fake. Best to limit yourself to a wink or a smiley face.
Quite often in the early development stages of a relationship potential partners have to partake in 'text pre-dating'. When partaking in this routine it is important to understand that Text dating is usually about what isn't being written. Here are some other variables that effect how someone interprets a text message.
Time in between texts: The less time in between texts, the less that person is doing at the moment. If you receive a text message immediately after sending it, you also read that the person is not doing anything, and very invested in your current conversation. Giving you all your attention.
Time of day text is sent: Before lunch, is wierd. After 10pm is a booty text. During the day, usually business, or flirts.
Amount of questions asked in the text: too many questions should just be a phone call. Text messages just be short, cute and sweet...questions appear like you are trying to keep the conversation going.
Spelling: Using bad spelling is okay, but if it's too 'text language' you can come across as immature, or a text slut (someone who is always texting everyone)
Length of text: too long is sketchy. Too short is dismissive.
emoticons: too many is nervous or fake. Best to limit yourself to a wink or a smiley face.
Thought.
I had a woman tell me I have a big penis the other day. I was taken aback by this because it was the first time anyone has ever told me that. I even spent the next few days telling myself I have a big penis.
I looked at it a few times in the mirror, just to make sure...
I have to think her opinion is somewhat valid seeing as she was a woman in the sense that she was over 34. She must have seen a lot of penises in her life, so I figure she must have a vast array of others to compare with. Clearly I am above her average which is made up of more numbers than a younger girl's average.
I don't know... all I know is I think it's better to have an old woman rather than some twenty year old tell you you have big junk. Regardless if it's true or not.
I looked at it a few times in the mirror, just to make sure...
I have to think her opinion is somewhat valid seeing as she was a woman in the sense that she was over 34. She must have seen a lot of penises in her life, so I figure she must have a vast array of others to compare with. Clearly I am above her average which is made up of more numbers than a younger girl's average.
I don't know... all I know is I think it's better to have an old woman rather than some twenty year old tell you you have big junk. Regardless if it's true or not.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
No one 'didn't get your text'
Technical Ettiquette.
Coming up on 2010, it is finally clear that we live in a time where text messages, emails, phone calls, and voicemails don't get lost. There is no cyber graveyard where lost messages end up. In the late 90's early 2000's, it was common place for people to deny receiving a message by claiming they 'didn't get it'. This excuse has been proven fictious almost 100% of the time now, and thus, is a dated excuse. If someone tells you they didn't get your message, but your phone or computer clearly states otherwise, then chances are they got it and are lying about not getting it. The same applies to phone calls and voicemails. However, it is not yet appropriate to argue with someone who claims they never received the message. Best thing to do is to check your message history, possibly show it to them, and move on, now suspicious of the person.
NOW, quiet often we received messages that we do not want to respond to, and thus, don't. Where doing this may feel good at the time, it can come back to bite us; especially if we bump into the person who sent the message.
The reason for not texting them back could be a number of things; you're trying to avoid them, you forgot to text them back, you just didn't get around to it yet, etc... nevertheless, chances are texting them back hasn't surfaced as one of your priorites.
How not to look like an A-hole when you bump into someone who has been texting you but you DON'T want to text back.
When you bump into a person who has been texting you, but you haven't been texting back, it is important not to discuss the texts. Approach the situation with an over zealous and excited attitude; you're excited to see them! Make sure to find new topics, possibly the weather or something in your immediate surroundings, that can be easily discussed without having to take silence breaks (these are openings for them to bring up the unanswered texts). While engaging in this conversation, look for times to drop statements that hint that you've been super busy recently. This conversation will not only keep the person distracted because they have to talk about the topic at hand, but will also explain why you haven't gotten around to texting them back. Ultimately, your goal is to control the conversation by keeping it immediate and up beat. At worst, this tactic will puzzle the person who has been texting you, as well as temporarily relieve them of the embarassement they are experiencing. Also the fact that you appear happy to see them makes up for the 'no response'. If they bring up the fact that you haven't been texting them back, simply reply that you aren't a reliable texter, and a bunch of your other friends are mad at you for that as well. Make a joke of it, and be on your way.
Coming up on 2010, it is finally clear that we live in a time where text messages, emails, phone calls, and voicemails don't get lost. There is no cyber graveyard where lost messages end up. In the late 90's early 2000's, it was common place for people to deny receiving a message by claiming they 'didn't get it'. This excuse has been proven fictious almost 100% of the time now, and thus, is a dated excuse. If someone tells you they didn't get your message, but your phone or computer clearly states otherwise, then chances are they got it and are lying about not getting it. The same applies to phone calls and voicemails. However, it is not yet appropriate to argue with someone who claims they never received the message. Best thing to do is to check your message history, possibly show it to them, and move on, now suspicious of the person.
NOW, quiet often we received messages that we do not want to respond to, and thus, don't. Where doing this may feel good at the time, it can come back to bite us; especially if we bump into the person who sent the message.
The reason for not texting them back could be a number of things; you're trying to avoid them, you forgot to text them back, you just didn't get around to it yet, etc... nevertheless, chances are texting them back hasn't surfaced as one of your priorites.
How not to look like an A-hole when you bump into someone who has been texting you but you DON'T want to text back.
When you bump into a person who has been texting you, but you haven't been texting back, it is important not to discuss the texts. Approach the situation with an over zealous and excited attitude; you're excited to see them! Make sure to find new topics, possibly the weather or something in your immediate surroundings, that can be easily discussed without having to take silence breaks (these are openings for them to bring up the unanswered texts). While engaging in this conversation, look for times to drop statements that hint that you've been super busy recently. This conversation will not only keep the person distracted because they have to talk about the topic at hand, but will also explain why you haven't gotten around to texting them back. Ultimately, your goal is to control the conversation by keeping it immediate and up beat. At worst, this tactic will puzzle the person who has been texting you, as well as temporarily relieve them of the embarassement they are experiencing. Also the fact that you appear happy to see them makes up for the 'no response'. If they bring up the fact that you haven't been texting them back, simply reply that you aren't a reliable texter, and a bunch of your other friends are mad at you for that as well. Make a joke of it, and be on your way.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Textpert: Never Given Sunday
Never text on Sunday afternoons
In the dating world, it is understood that Saturday night is for having sex. We all act like we are having sex, if not all the time, at the very least on Saturday nights. It is unattracted to not be getting laid, and as far the sex world goes, Saturday night is the main event. Of course, majority are not getting laid, but that doesn't mean they can't make it look like they are.
Think about it...
If you are up early (on Sunday early is before 3pm) on a Sunday texting, questions arise about your Saturday night. After a Saturday night, why isn't she still sleeping? I wonder if she even went out last night? Looks like she didn't have a good Saturday night if she's up flirting on Sunday morning...Sunday morning is for recovering, for bathing in the glory of your sexual escaped from Thursday through to Saturday night, not flirting.
A Sunday afternoon text, can suggest:
You didn't go out on Saturday night and are now up early and fresh on a Sunday. This isn't a good thing because in the dating/hunting world, a good hunter is tired on Sundays because of a fun filled Saturday night.
Therefore...
You aren't satisfied with your sex life. You clearly aren't laying in bed with someone else if you are sending out a Sunday afternoon text to 'grab a drink next week". You didn't catch a mouse this weekend and that's so you're sending out a text to help the next week. Thus, all this makes you seem desperate and suggests you aren't fun.
Moral: If you have to send out a dating related text on a Sunday, save it for after 6pm.
If someone texts you on a Sunday afternoon (before 6pm), wait till late that evening to text them back.
* If you hooked up with some one that Saturday night and are not with them on Sunday afternoon, you can send them a text...just kept it cute, funny and small.
the textpert ;(
In the dating world, it is understood that Saturday night is for having sex. We all act like we are having sex, if not all the time, at the very least on Saturday nights. It is unattracted to not be getting laid, and as far the sex world goes, Saturday night is the main event. Of course, majority are not getting laid, but that doesn't mean they can't make it look like they are.
Think about it...
If you are up early (on Sunday early is before 3pm) on a Sunday texting, questions arise about your Saturday night. After a Saturday night, why isn't she still sleeping? I wonder if she even went out last night? Looks like she didn't have a good Saturday night if she's up flirting on Sunday morning...Sunday morning is for recovering, for bathing in the glory of your sexual escaped from Thursday through to Saturday night, not flirting.
A Sunday afternoon text, can suggest:
You didn't go out on Saturday night and are now up early and fresh on a Sunday. This isn't a good thing because in the dating/hunting world, a good hunter is tired on Sundays because of a fun filled Saturday night.
Therefore...
You aren't satisfied with your sex life. You clearly aren't laying in bed with someone else if you are sending out a Sunday afternoon text to 'grab a drink next week". You didn't catch a mouse this weekend and that's so you're sending out a text to help the next week. Thus, all this makes you seem desperate and suggests you aren't fun.
Moral: If you have to send out a dating related text on a Sunday, save it for after 6pm.
If someone texts you on a Sunday afternoon (before 6pm), wait till late that evening to text them back.
* If you hooked up with some one that Saturday night and are not with them on Sunday afternoon, you can send them a text...just kept it cute, funny and small.
the textpert ;(
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Texpert Quick Tip
If you call someone and they text you back, chances are they don't want to talk to you.
Text: Saw that you called, what's up? --- this person isn't interested in 'what you're up to'.
Text: Saw that you called, what's up? --- this person isn't interested in 'what you're up to'.
Friday, October 16, 2009
The case of the delayed response: how long is too long?
Dear Texpert,
Where to begin. I just got the first text message today, from a girl I messaged over a month ago!
A month ago, I met Sharry at a bar and got her phone number. We promised drinks the following week someday. I text her two days later, claiming it was great meeting her and I think Tuesday would be a good day next week for drinks. No word. Nothing. Not even a 'K'. I contemplated texting her again, mainly because of how intriguing and smooth our conversation had been during our encounter, but I didn't. So nothing, not a response... Tuesday passes....and 2 weeks later, one evening, I decide to send her a text message with good bait: 'Come meet me here I can get you in for free'. Again, not a word...so a bit more than a month since my initial text to sharry, I decide to delete her number from my phone, mainly just so I wouldn't drunk dial her by mistake one late night. Then out of nowhere I get a text message from a number I don't recognize
Hey. Sorry for delayed response! How have you been -Sharry.
It's been over a month. Do I let her get away with this? I can't even rememeber if I really really liked her. Thoughts textpert?
Fragile Fingers
Fragile,
Thanks for this case. It is actually a very rare situation. First, I must say it appears that you are not a texting rookie, as you haven't really broken any of the 'unwritten rules' of text messaging which most people break in the first month. My only red light is that she might have been upset with you for offer to get drinks (some women think drinks means you just want to sleep with them and an offer to eat dinner means there might be a spark in the air), but it's unlikely. your bait and switch was nicely timed. In this case I would send her a text back. You don't know Sharry all that well, except for, what you call, a great night together. She could have been dumping her boyfriend, getting over a serious personal issue, someone could have died, the list goes on. A thing to note: Time heals wounds but it also opens them. If none of the above apply, who knows... she might have looked back over her month, and rememebered that one of the hardest laughs she had was with you. Or maybe yours was one of the more interesting conversations she had lately, and she was reminded of it. Nevertheless, for some one to take that long and still text you back, it seems like they might be interested in 'sex' with you. Send her a text, playfully joking about how long it's been, and ask the same question back that she asked you. This way you're being nice, and playing the relationship at the level she has established; "a hi, how are you stage?". If she had texted something sexual, then you can play on a sexual stage. I would let her command the text relationship for the next while. This will send the message that you have moved on, and she is trying to bring you back, but you do rememeber her 'good demenour'. It will also help you save face: that way you don't look desperate.
Other than that, seems like this is the beginning of a 'fun' case.. please keep me posted on how it advances...
Textpert
Where to begin. I just got the first text message today, from a girl I messaged over a month ago!
A month ago, I met Sharry at a bar and got her phone number. We promised drinks the following week someday. I text her two days later, claiming it was great meeting her and I think Tuesday would be a good day next week for drinks. No word. Nothing. Not even a 'K'. I contemplated texting her again, mainly because of how intriguing and smooth our conversation had been during our encounter, but I didn't. So nothing, not a response... Tuesday passes....and 2 weeks later, one evening, I decide to send her a text message with good bait: 'Come meet me here I can get you in for free'. Again, not a word...so a bit more than a month since my initial text to sharry, I decide to delete her number from my phone, mainly just so I wouldn't drunk dial her by mistake one late night. Then out of nowhere I get a text message from a number I don't recognize
Hey. Sorry for delayed response! How have you been -Sharry.
It's been over a month. Do I let her get away with this? I can't even rememeber if I really really liked her. Thoughts textpert?
Fragile Fingers
Fragile,
Thanks for this case. It is actually a very rare situation. First, I must say it appears that you are not a texting rookie, as you haven't really broken any of the 'unwritten rules' of text messaging which most people break in the first month. My only red light is that she might have been upset with you for offer to get drinks (some women think drinks means you just want to sleep with them and an offer to eat dinner means there might be a spark in the air), but it's unlikely. your bait and switch was nicely timed. In this case I would send her a text back. You don't know Sharry all that well, except for, what you call, a great night together. She could have been dumping her boyfriend, getting over a serious personal issue, someone could have died, the list goes on. A thing to note: Time heals wounds but it also opens them. If none of the above apply, who knows... she might have looked back over her month, and rememebered that one of the hardest laughs she had was with you. Or maybe yours was one of the more interesting conversations she had lately, and she was reminded of it. Nevertheless, for some one to take that long and still text you back, it seems like they might be interested in 'sex' with you. Send her a text, playfully joking about how long it's been, and ask the same question back that she asked you. This way you're being nice, and playing the relationship at the level she has established; "a hi, how are you stage?". If she had texted something sexual, then you can play on a sexual stage. I would let her command the text relationship for the next while. This will send the message that you have moved on, and she is trying to bring you back, but you do rememeber her 'good demenour'. It will also help you save face: that way you don't look desperate.
Other than that, seems like this is the beginning of a 'fun' case.. please keep me posted on how it advances...
Textpert
TEXT LIMBO
Text Limbo: A time when it's inappropriate to send someone a text. Usually occurs when the appropriate amount of time in between text messages has been surpassed to the point where responding to the last text would be 'too late'. This can result in text limbo, as you generally don't want to send another text if your last text has gone unanswered (2 texts in a row can be seen as creepy). You are now in a state of limbo, waiting for the other party to text you because it is invasive of you to text twice in a row.
example
Text sent: What are you up to tonight?
3days later and still no text response. This text is dead. For you to send another text would be the equivalent of calling someone back after they didn't respond to your voicemail.
When do you know you're in text limbo:
No text messages are being sent back and forth, nor is there any communication, however there might be a desire to text back and forth by both parties. It would be weird, or intrusive, for you to send them another text message because this would probably mean that you are sending two text messages in a row. On the other hand, one party may be waiting to see if the other will send two texts in a row, because this shows that the person really cares. Nevertheless, stubbornness and ego play a huge factor...who's going to crumble first?
Text limbo usually occurs if:
a) A text message conversation that has been ending in questions, is abruptly ended when someone sends a statement. This reliefs the receiver of the statement text of any responsibility to respond because they don't have a question to answer. The more time passes after an unanswered statement, the deeper text limbo gets. example
Text sent: What are you up to tonight?
3days later and still no text response. This text is dead. For you to send another text would be the equivalent of calling someone back after they didn't respond to your voicemail.
When do you know you're in text limbo:
No text messages are being sent back and forth, nor is there any communication, however there might be a desire to text back and forth by both parties. It would be weird, or intrusive, for you to send them another text message because this would probably mean that you are sending two text messages in a row. On the other hand, one party may be waiting to see if the other will send two texts in a row, because this shows that the person really cares. Nevertheless, stubbornness and ego play a huge factor...who's going to crumble first?
Text limbo usually occurs if:
b) A "K factor" is dropped. It is an unwritten rule that once the 'k factor' (someone simply texts the letter K) has been dropped it is invasive to respond. 'K' means this conversation is over, until I see you, we talk on the phone, or I decide to text you.
c) A potentially awkward or inappropriate text has been sent and not responded to in over 24 hours (minimum). This is quite often a drunk text, or a text sent at an inappropriate time of day, or a text pertaining to the immediate time in which case answering 24 hours later wouldn't make sense.
d) Someone doesn't respond to a text message for over 3 days.
Text limbo is not a comfortable place to be. However, respecting text limbo, and accepting the fact that the ball is not in your court, shows that you are, at the very least, not a creep.
Ways to break text limbo
The bait and switch: The promise of a great location/party is a strong enough reason to send a 2nd text (in a row) inviting the person to join you.
Wait it out: sit back and wait. If it's meant to be, they'll text you eventually. I once waited 2 weeks. Just make sure you don't prematurely texjaculate. If they took a long time, you take your time.
Warning: below is for Risk takers
text gambling: You can send a second text, or even a third... time in between is important. Don't do them all at once. Also the key with text gambling is accepting the fact that you're probably not going to win. Have fun with text gambles, and if they aren't responded to, make them funny statements.
Call them: Just call them, and expect to leave a message. Be funny, and don't mention the fact that they didn't reply to your text... possibly a word of mouth bait and switch.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Texpert in the Feild
Here is a text battle that I was called into recently. This whole conversation was over text messages. I provided my aid to a friend who was in need of 'textular direction'. Note that time in between text messages is not an issue in this conversation because we are just friends.
(word for word text message conversation Oct. 2009, between Betty and the Textpert...)
*normal type is the actual text message.
*italics is the subtext of the text message conversation, what I was thinking, and what I figured she was thinking/really saying.
Wednesday @ 2:30pm
Betty: Since you're the text guru-what if someone texts canceling plans-but wants to reschedule for the next day? When do you text back? Hahhaha! (this is acutally typed nervous laughter..you can't write this stuff....means she really wants my advice.)
Textpert: Are you free the next day and is this your first time hanging out? (want to get a feel for how serious this relationship is.)
B: Yes to being free- hung out several times. (She wants to hang out with him and may actually like him, because several is more than two...or, might just be a booty call.)
T: Do you really like the guy? why did he cancel? (Let's hear his excuse for canceling...)
B: Because he has something due in the morning- and just got back from holidays. legit? (ignored the 'really like the guy' question, which makes me think this is a booty call. Therefore, his excuse might be legit. Thanksgiving just ended. Plus he did provide an alternate time to hang out in his first text...I'm going to say give him the benefit of the doubt. Guys need their space anyway.)
T: Yeah. First excuse always legit. reschedule for thursday after 9. Cause your 'busy' till then. (make yourself seem desirable by claiming to be busy)
B: Like 'a dinner thing to go to'??? Bahahahahaha! We're hilarious. (she's totally bought into my advice. Careful not to get too specific with a 'busy claim'...)
T: Don't tell what your other plans are. Just busy w a million things. You seen my latest blog? (don't lock yourself in a lie. Just say you're busy. By providing 'dinner party' you now have to answer questions about a fictious party, and you're lying. Liars don't win in the long run.)
B: Big time -love it, passed it around the office.
T: Dating life is difficult. its rough out there man!
(Later....after she texted him following my direction)
B: Hmm- response was good, i have so many more dating questions! (victory for Betty via the textpert)
Lesson to be learned
If you have hung out with someone numerous times, and they text cancel but suggest a specific day to hang out next, they genuinely want to hang out again, or at the very least, are thinking about hanging out with you again. Give them the benefit of the doubt with their excuse, and agree to hang out on the day they suggested, but offer that it be at a time that works in YOUR schedule by saying we have to hang out 'after or before' a certain time.
text safe
The texpert.
C ya Soon ;(
(word for word text message conversation Oct. 2009, between Betty and the Textpert...)
*normal type is the actual text message.
*italics is the subtext of the text message conversation, what I was thinking, and what I figured she was thinking/really saying.
Wednesday @ 2:30pm
Betty: Since you're the text guru-what if someone texts canceling plans-but wants to reschedule for the next day? When do you text back? Hahhaha! (this is acutally typed nervous laughter..you can't write this stuff....means she really wants my advice.)
Textpert: Are you free the next day and is this your first time hanging out? (want to get a feel for how serious this relationship is.)
B: Yes to being free- hung out several times. (She wants to hang out with him and may actually like him, because several is more than two...or, might just be a booty call.)
T: Do you really like the guy? why did he cancel? (Let's hear his excuse for canceling...)
B: Because he has something due in the morning- and just got back from holidays. legit? (ignored the 'really like the guy' question, which makes me think this is a booty call. Therefore, his excuse might be legit. Thanksgiving just ended. Plus he did provide an alternate time to hang out in his first text...I'm going to say give him the benefit of the doubt. Guys need their space anyway.)
T: Yeah. First excuse always legit. reschedule for thursday after 9. Cause your 'busy' till then. (make yourself seem desirable by claiming to be busy)
B: Like 'a dinner thing to go to'??? Bahahahahaha! We're hilarious. (she's totally bought into my advice. Careful not to get too specific with a 'busy claim'...)
T: Don't tell what your other plans are. Just busy w a million things. You seen my latest blog? (don't lock yourself in a lie. Just say you're busy. By providing 'dinner party' you now have to answer questions about a fictious party, and you're lying. Liars don't win in the long run.)
B: Big time -love it, passed it around the office.
T: Dating life is difficult. its rough out there man!
(Later....after she texted him following my direction)
B: Hmm- response was good, i have so many more dating questions! (victory for Betty via the textpert)
Lesson to be learned
If you have hung out with someone numerous times, and they text cancel but suggest a specific day to hang out next, they genuinely want to hang out again, or at the very least, are thinking about hanging out with you again. Give them the benefit of the doubt with their excuse, and agree to hang out on the day they suggested, but offer that it be at a time that works in YOUR schedule by saying we have to hang out 'after or before' a certain time.
text safe
The texpert.
C ya Soon ;(
Texpert: quick tip of the day
If you don't recognize a number in a regualr SMS text message, reply with a text asking them if they have a blackberry. Also in this message supply your bbm PIN#.
If they do have a blackberry they will add you, and chances are their name will pop up in the contacts. Now you'll know who you're communicating with, while saving yourself the embarassement and awkwardness of a "who is this?" text message.
Keep texting, and be safe
C ya soon ;(
Text message warfare: BAIT and SWITCH
The bait and switch: When a 'sender' sends a text message from a desirable and happening location informing a friend that the location is amazing and that they must come join them. After the 'receiver' takes the bait (the cool location) and are on their way there, the sender texts them saying they decided to switch to a different location, because the initial one is 'dead now'. The purpose is to get someone to come out while also sounding like you're really cool.
Bait: Quiet often when we manage to get into a location that is really cool or prestigious we want to tell people we are there. In fact, we can use this to score points with potential 'love interests' if they knew we were there, because, it's cool. Usually we promise we can get people in, or we comment on how amazing the place is. Due mostly to ego, people hate to be missing out on a cool party. Therefore, by sending a message saying, "I'm at Spoke Club. Come by and party." You are saying, I'm where the action is, why aren't you here? Due to ego, it is almost a crime against coolness, for them to not, at the very least, inquire about the situation with an immediately follow up text. If they agree to come meet you, 'the Switch' can occur....
The Switch: This is the tricky part of the scenario and is quiet often a tactic to get someone 'alone', or in a more intimate environment by, what looks like, a mistake. Basically, planned spontaneity. Once the bait is set, you usually know right away what your friend is going to do. By dropping the word 'tonight' or sending a text regarding the present, time restraints on text etiquette are thrown out; it is okay for them to text you right back, because you've established that you're both cool, and out partying. A good switch is usually to a location within walking distance of the 'bait' location. It also tends to be smaller and quieter. A weak bait and switch sends a recipient on a wild goose chase around the city and appears suspicious because of how far the bait is from the switch. (keep your switch close to your bait: know the area!)
Word to the Devious
* there doesn't have to be an actual bait location. In theory, if you have the intention of pulling a bait and switch, you don't actually have to be at the 'bait'. You could lie, using the allure of a good bait location, knowing full well that if they agree to come meet you, you are going to pull a switch. This is also very risky, because if they are at that bait location and you're not aware of this, you look like a liar.
Bait: Quiet often when we manage to get into a location that is really cool or prestigious we want to tell people we are there. In fact, we can use this to score points with potential 'love interests' if they knew we were there, because, it's cool. Usually we promise we can get people in, or we comment on how amazing the place is. Due mostly to ego, people hate to be missing out on a cool party. Therefore, by sending a message saying, "I'm at Spoke Club. Come by and party." You are saying, I'm where the action is, why aren't you here? Due to ego, it is almost a crime against coolness, for them to not, at the very least, inquire about the situation with an immediately follow up text. If they agree to come meet you, 'the Switch' can occur....
The Switch: This is the tricky part of the scenario and is quiet often a tactic to get someone 'alone', or in a more intimate environment by, what looks like, a mistake. Basically, planned spontaneity. Once the bait is set, you usually know right away what your friend is going to do. By dropping the word 'tonight' or sending a text regarding the present, time restraints on text etiquette are thrown out; it is okay for them to text you right back, because you've established that you're both cool, and out partying. A good switch is usually to a location within walking distance of the 'bait' location. It also tends to be smaller and quieter. A weak bait and switch sends a recipient on a wild goose chase around the city and appears suspicious because of how far the bait is from the switch. (keep your switch close to your bait: know the area!)
Word to the Devious
* there doesn't have to be an actual bait location. In theory, if you have the intention of pulling a bait and switch, you don't actually have to be at the 'bait'. You could lie, using the allure of a good bait location, knowing full well that if they agree to come meet you, you are going to pull a switch. This is also very risky, because if they are at that bait location and you're not aware of this, you look like a liar.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Forbidden Texting
Disclaimer:
It is unfortunate, but true, that there is a large population of 'cheaters' out there. Majority, married men and women that have to go elsewhere for thier kicks. Where the textperts does NOT advocate cheating or devious and potentially abusive behaviour, we do advocate avodiance of drama. Like in the situation below.
Dear textpert,
I have recently been texting back and forth with a woman I met at a bar named Sally. We met, hit it off, and by the end of the night were embraced in passionate, kinky sex. Immediately after the sex, she mentioned to me that she was married (with a tear in her eye). If this wasn't awkward enough, she told me she didn't like him and wished she'd never gone through with the marriage, claiming it was his idea. Being that she was a very attractive girl, I didn't flip out, but rather told her we could hang out again if she liked (thinking this was the end of our relationship) and sent her on her way. I just got a text message from her asking if I was free to 'talk' on Saturday night. What should I do?
When Texty met Sally
This is a great question. For starters you should evaluate this situation. Do you want to be 'talking' to a married woman about her 'marriage problems'? In this case, I am going to make the assumption, that everyone reading this just did, and say that 'talking' means fucking. In which case do you want to fuck a married woman? Since you've already fucked her once; twice, or three times is something your guilt can handle, I'm sure, but do you want to make a habit of this. I would say don't, but if you're not of my morality I suggest this:
"When texting people in relationships never write anything in text form that you wouldn't want her/his potential psycho partner to read."
Married people have access to each others things, and this quiet often means passwords. Keep all text messages to business style, or at the most covert incredibly clever 'double talk'... example...talking on a staurday night means sex to everyone, so be careful.
It is unfortunate, but true, that there is a large population of 'cheaters' out there. Majority, married men and women that have to go elsewhere for thier kicks. Where the textperts does NOT advocate cheating or devious and potentially abusive behaviour, we do advocate avodiance of drama. Like in the situation below.
Dear textpert,
I have recently been texting back and forth with a woman I met at a bar named Sally. We met, hit it off, and by the end of the night were embraced in passionate, kinky sex. Immediately after the sex, she mentioned to me that she was married (with a tear in her eye). If this wasn't awkward enough, she told me she didn't like him and wished she'd never gone through with the marriage, claiming it was his idea. Being that she was a very attractive girl, I didn't flip out, but rather told her we could hang out again if she liked (thinking this was the end of our relationship) and sent her on her way. I just got a text message from her asking if I was free to 'talk' on Saturday night. What should I do?
When Texty met Sally
This is a great question. For starters you should evaluate this situation. Do you want to be 'talking' to a married woman about her 'marriage problems'? In this case, I am going to make the assumption, that everyone reading this just did, and say that 'talking' means fucking. In which case do you want to fuck a married woman? Since you've already fucked her once; twice, or three times is something your guilt can handle, I'm sure, but do you want to make a habit of this. I would say don't, but if you're not of my morality I suggest this:
"When texting people in relationships never write anything in text form that you wouldn't want her/his potential psycho partner to read."
Married people have access to each others things, and this quiet often means passwords. Keep all text messages to business style, or at the most covert incredibly clever 'double talk'... example...talking on a staurday night means sex to everyone, so be careful.
The statement Text
When receiving a random statement from someone you consider a possible 'love interest/sexual partner', always respond with a statement.
Just so we're clear, a statement is NOT a question; no "?" mark.
Just like in live action, when you ask a question, it is embarassing to not get an answer.
Answering a statement with a statement shows that you are not necessarily prematurely textjaculating in your pants, sitting waiting for a message. You are simply being a normal human being, engaging in a double sided conversation, rather than a question to question text interview. Asking questions with text messages tetters on desperatation...why not pick up the phone and call them.
Just so we're clear, a statement is NOT a question; no "?" mark.
Just like in live action, when you ask a question, it is embarassing to not get an answer.
Answering a statement with a statement shows that you are not necessarily prematurely textjaculating in your pants, sitting waiting for a message. You are simply being a normal human being, engaging in a double sided conversation, rather than a question to question text interview. Asking questions with text messages tetters on desperatation...why not pick up the phone and call them.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Phantom Text: Scenario
Dear Texperts,
SO I'm kind of in a pickle...I think. I was recently involved in a text message conversation that ended on a weird note. I was at a Raptor's game when I received a text from Julie, a girl I have been on a few dates with. On our dates things were good, and last time we hung out we ended up making out. Anyway, Julie and I were texting back and forth, averaging about 10-15 minutes in between texts, while I was at the game and she was out with her friends. Our discussion was mostly an inside joke regarding how I would be naked at the game, eating junk food and noone would care. It was cute, and went on a little too long. So things got wierd after I sent a "What are you doing later?" text. This was a total change of topic, and I was kind of hoping she would want to hang out. I didn't get another message from her that night. I assumed I had destroyed my relationship with her. But here's the kicker...she texted me today asking how the game was. No mention of the late night text. What should I do
Joel the Messenger
Joel. Don't do anything. The text you sent late last night never happened. If she chooses to bring it up, then you can simply mention you wanted to grab a 'drink' and talk, or something very sophisticated (even though it's obvious to me, and probably her, that you wanted to close a deal). When a text message is not acknowledged by a potential "hook up", then it is a phantom. It doesn't exist, nor did it ever exist....unless the receipient of the text chooses to bring it up.
The Textpert
SO I'm kind of in a pickle...I think. I was recently involved in a text message conversation that ended on a weird note. I was at a Raptor's game when I received a text from Julie, a girl I have been on a few dates with. On our dates things were good, and last time we hung out we ended up making out. Anyway, Julie and I were texting back and forth, averaging about 10-15 minutes in between texts, while I was at the game and she was out with her friends. Our discussion was mostly an inside joke regarding how I would be naked at the game, eating junk food and noone would care. It was cute, and went on a little too long. So things got wierd after I sent a "What are you doing later?" text. This was a total change of topic, and I was kind of hoping she would want to hang out. I didn't get another message from her that night. I assumed I had destroyed my relationship with her. But here's the kicker...she texted me today asking how the game was. No mention of the late night text. What should I do
Joel the Messenger
Joel. Don't do anything. The text you sent late last night never happened. If she chooses to bring it up, then you can simply mention you wanted to grab a 'drink' and talk, or something very sophisticated (even though it's obvious to me, and probably her, that you wanted to close a deal). When a text message is not acknowledged by a potential "hook up", then it is a phantom. It doesn't exist, nor did it ever exist....unless the receipient of the text chooses to bring it up.
The Textpert
Premature Texjaculation
Dear Textpert,
I don't know what to do. I met Jennifer at a bar and we seemed to hit it off. It wasn't birds and rainbows or anything, but there was a connection and we exchanged numbers. The next day I texted her, "Hey Jen. Free Friday for drinks and magic markers?" (magic markers being a reference to a conversation we had that night...an inside joke). My text message was met with No response. I almost sent her another message later that day, but didn't. Finally she texted me back.... on Friday afternoon! She wrote me, "lol magic markers are essential. I've been swamped! Tonight doesn't work, but hows next Tuesday?" So I immediately texted her back ,"Sounds great, how are you?". I haven't heard a word from her and it's now Tuesday. Help me textperts. What should I do?
Josh do nothing! This is a case of PREMATURELY TEXTJACULATION!
By responding to her text message immediately you ruined your chances with Jennifer, at least for the time being. Clearly she liked your reference to magic markers in your original text, but was too busy to get back to you... maybe with work, maybe other guys, or maybe she's a little skeptical of you. Nevertheless, by her offering an exact day to hang out next, she is still very much a potential 'take down'. However, when you responded to her text message immediately, you sent the signal that you are a desperate loser who's life is centered around her text messages. Whether this is the case or not, you prematurely texjaculated, and this never goes over well. So for now Josh, file Jennifer under 'love that could have been', and get on with your life. If she likes you she'll text you back. Don't hold your breath.
In the future: Wait at least 8 hours before texting back in a situation such as this one.
Also a side note: Ending a text message with 'how are you?' is a faux paus. It's an uncreative and weak attempt to get a text message conversation going. If you wanted the chance to get a dialogue going you should make a statement. Maybe something comical, or an observation. Either way, if you send a statement, she has no pressure to respond and therefore will feel at easy. Also, if she doesn't respond, at least your not some loser who asked a question and didn't get an answer.
Take your time replying to a text: Yeah we all have our phones glued to our hand. Sure our whole business and livelyhood rests in the in and out boxes of our hand held lap tops, which we check every 3 seconds. Yeah, it is understood that everyone has a phone and is using it daily. Knowing all this, if you respond too fast to a text, you are PREMATURLY TEXTJACULATING. Make people wait. Show them you've got other text messages, conversations, business deals to attend to before you can respond to theirs.
Sincerely,
the textpert
I don't know what to do. I met Jennifer at a bar and we seemed to hit it off. It wasn't birds and rainbows or anything, but there was a connection and we exchanged numbers. The next day I texted her, "Hey Jen. Free Friday for drinks and magic markers?" (magic markers being a reference to a conversation we had that night...an inside joke). My text message was met with No response. I almost sent her another message later that day, but didn't. Finally she texted me back.... on Friday afternoon! She wrote me, "lol magic markers are essential. I've been swamped! Tonight doesn't work, but hows next Tuesday?" So I immediately texted her back ,"Sounds great, how are you?". I haven't heard a word from her and it's now Tuesday. Help me textperts. What should I do?
Josh do nothing! This is a case of PREMATURELY TEXTJACULATION!
By responding to her text message immediately you ruined your chances with Jennifer, at least for the time being. Clearly she liked your reference to magic markers in your original text, but was too busy to get back to you... maybe with work, maybe other guys, or maybe she's a little skeptical of you. Nevertheless, by her offering an exact day to hang out next, she is still very much a potential 'take down'. However, when you responded to her text message immediately, you sent the signal that you are a desperate loser who's life is centered around her text messages. Whether this is the case or not, you prematurely texjaculated, and this never goes over well. So for now Josh, file Jennifer under 'love that could have been', and get on with your life. If she likes you she'll text you back. Don't hold your breath.
In the future: Wait at least 8 hours before texting back in a situation such as this one.
Also a side note: Ending a text message with 'how are you?' is a faux paus. It's an uncreative and weak attempt to get a text message conversation going. If you wanted the chance to get a dialogue going you should make a statement. Maybe something comical, or an observation. Either way, if you send a statement, she has no pressure to respond and therefore will feel at easy. Also, if she doesn't respond, at least your not some loser who asked a question and didn't get an answer.
Take your time replying to a text: Yeah we all have our phones glued to our hand. Sure our whole business and livelyhood rests in the in and out boxes of our hand held lap tops, which we check every 3 seconds. Yeah, it is understood that everyone has a phone and is using it daily. Knowing all this, if you respond too fast to a text, you are PREMATURLY TEXTJACULATING. Make people wait. Show them you've got other text messages, conversations, business deals to attend to before you can respond to theirs.
Sincerely,
the textpert
Monday, October 12, 2009
Text message: The unknown enigma
There is nothing more thought provoking then a text message from a phone number that you don't recognize in which the sender hasn't identified themselves with a name, or obvious piece of information. Quite often something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm in town and was wondering what you're doing?" Problem is you don't know who it is, or if you want anything to do with them. It could be the man of your dreams, or the biggest dofus you know. Nevertheless, the number isn't programmed into your phone, probably for a reason such as:
a) you deleted the number from your phone because you don't like the person.
b) you got a new phone and didn't bother bringing thier number over in the 'move'. This ultimately means you can take them or leave them.
c) you never got their number and therefore you either gave them yours or they found it from someone else. This could be someone you're genuinely interested in communicating with.
When receiveing a text message from a number that you're not familiar with, immediately a sense of superiority hits you. You feel as though you have the upper hand in the relationship. Who is this person that I clearly don't care enough about to have them in my phone? I must be better than them. After this sense of gratification hits us it immediately dissappears and quite often a sense of panic or anxiety follows. What if I actually really like this person? I'm going to look like a real asshole if I don't text them back, but I'll look like a bigger a-hole if I don't even know who this is. Or maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it will show them that I'm so important that I'm constantly changing my contact list (because it's too full...if this even makes sense) I need to find out who this is, but saying 'who is this' is a little too forward and beligerent...or is it? I'm being sincere right, or at the very least, honest. Hmmmm....quite often we try to find a clever and creative way of disguising our ignorance... here is a possible answer in which you can appear friendly and business like:
"Hey. Sorry, I just got a new phone and I'm in the process of transfering all my numbers over to this one. Who is this again?"
Take some time before sending this response. At least 10 minutes.
This is your safest bet for not offending them, however, alway expect the other person to get slightly offended by this question.
Good luck and in the future if you give someon your number make sure to also get theirs. That way you can ignore them respectfully.
a) you deleted the number from your phone because you don't like the person.
b) you got a new phone and didn't bother bringing thier number over in the 'move'. This ultimately means you can take them or leave them.
c) you never got their number and therefore you either gave them yours or they found it from someone else. This could be someone you're genuinely interested in communicating with.
When receiveing a text message from a number that you're not familiar with, immediately a sense of superiority hits you. You feel as though you have the upper hand in the relationship. Who is this person that I clearly don't care enough about to have them in my phone? I must be better than them. After this sense of gratification hits us it immediately dissappears and quite often a sense of panic or anxiety follows. What if I actually really like this person? I'm going to look like a real asshole if I don't text them back, but I'll look like a bigger a-hole if I don't even know who this is. Or maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it will show them that I'm so important that I'm constantly changing my contact list (because it's too full...if this even makes sense) I need to find out who this is, but saying 'who is this' is a little too forward and beligerent...or is it? I'm being sincere right, or at the very least, honest. Hmmmm....quite often we try to find a clever and creative way of disguising our ignorance... here is a possible answer in which you can appear friendly and business like:
"Hey. Sorry, I just got a new phone and I'm in the process of transfering all my numbers over to this one. Who is this again?"
Take some time before sending this response. At least 10 minutes.
This is your safest bet for not offending them, however, alway expect the other person to get slightly offended by this question.
Good luck and in the future if you give someon your number make sure to also get theirs. That way you can ignore them respectfully.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The phantom text
Phantom text: A text message that is sent but never acknowledged. Sometime we send a text we probably should have thought twice before sending. Maybe it was the wrong time of day, the wrong person, or maybe the conversation was just so done that an extra text was completely uncalled for. Maybe you said the wrong thing, of sent it too quickly. Quite often a text of this nature goes unanswered; yep, a text message that doesn't get a response. This text message becomes a phantom because the next time you see the receipent it is as if the text message was never sent. They don't mention it and neither do you. It is as if this text message never happened...it is a phantom, stuck in your text history and theirs. However, never spoken of or discusssed ever again. However it is a phatom because it is not truely forgotten. It does haunt your chances of ever having sex with the receipent.
The Cat and Mouse text
Cat and Mouse text: When you send a text to someone you know you can 'hook up'; usually someone you've hooked up with in the past. You send them a text message at the beginning of the night(around 7pm-ish). This text simply initiates conversation and gets the ball rolling on a back and forth text conversation. As the night progresses you continue to 'flirt' text back and forth with your mouse, not making any drastic statements or questions. The nature tends to be "What you up to tonight?" , "Where you going to be tonight?". This continues untill you make a diagnosis of how your immediate situation is going to end. Often when playing cat and mouse, it isuncertain of which one of you is the mouse. It isn't always the person who sent the first text....here are some possible ending to a Cat and Mouse scenario:
a) You don't find someone in your proximity to hook up with so you drop a 'be there in 10mins text' to your mouse. This occurs if you have given up on your search for someone in your proximity, usually at the end of the night, and now you want to meet up with your mouse to close the deal. It's not ideal but at least you're 'hooking up'.
b) You actually found someone in your proximity. You thus stop texting your mouse, tell your mouse you'll ttyl, or you ignore the rest of the texts that night and then the next day tell them your phone died.
c) Your mouse finds someone in her proximity, rendering you the mouse.
a) You don't find someone in your proximity to hook up with so you drop a 'be there in 10mins text' to your mouse. This occurs if you have given up on your search for someone in your proximity, usually at the end of the night, and now you want to meet up with your mouse to close the deal. It's not ideal but at least you're 'hooking up'.
b) You actually found someone in your proximity. You thus stop texting your mouse, tell your mouse you'll ttyl, or you ignore the rest of the texts that night and then the next day tell them your phone died.
c) Your mouse finds someone in her proximity, rendering you the mouse.
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