40 ways to cry : number 1 and 2. Vulnerability and Admiration

I cried 2 times this week. They were amazing experiences.

Vulnerability: true beauty has beautiful intentions.

The first time I cried was on Thursday with my dog at the 'animal hospital'. She is 13 years old, which translates to 91 in dog years, and I had to bring her in because she wasn't moving. She was just lying on her matt, doing her best 'I am hiding the fact that I'm injured because I don't want to draw attention to potential predators and threaten the pack' routine. What made me cry was not the fact that we were discussing the possibility of putting her down. I wasn't sad about her dying. She's old, she's had a great life, it's her time. In fact, at first I was upset with myself that I wasn't crying. "Why aren't I being emotionally effected by this situation?" "I should be crying, fuck, I have no emotions." "I am a robot" I almost went the whole time without crying, but when the doctor asked Maggie (my dog) to step on the scale and she co-operated with zero restraint I began to cry. He simply pointed to the scale and she walked over to it, panting and limping, stood right in the middle of it and waited. It was such an amazing event. Here is an animal showing no fear of death. doing what she knows best; helping the pack.

Looking back I think these were tears triggered by her sense of dependency. She is so dependant on me and the fact that she doesn't talk, all mixed with the moment made her so honourable. She is accepting of life. She trusts me. She loves me. I love her. I was crying, but I wasn't sad. In fact, I think the word sad is a generic word that has put a governor on our emotional perspectives. Like Inuits with 40 different types of snow, there are 40 (at least) different emotions that can make you cry other than sadness. I don't even know the emotion I was experiencing. There is probably a word for it. Here is an animal that acts on it's instincts and wants nothing more than to for me to be happy.

The tears felt amazing, it was a euphoric sensation. A sense of relief and a catalyst for true love and emotion. A release. Not to sound sexual, but almost orgasmic. I was crying, and showing her respect by doing so. I am so lucky that she is still around and that I am allowed to spend everyday with a ball of love like her.

Admiration: embracing strength.

The second time I cried was today. I shed a few tears. I was at the Toronto Raptors basketball game and I met a woman and her two young girls. Her youngest daughter, probably 10 at oldest, is addicted to reading. A cute little bookworm, clearly dressed by her mom, and clearly in her own world. She reads books over and over again, (Twilight 21 times!)and she's reading at a 12th grade level. Her mom was actually concerned about this addiction claiming teachers have to confiscate books because she can't put them down. I, of course, found this to be the coolest thing ever. I told the girl that she looked cute in her 'scarf' and that since her hands where full (with food) that rather than shake hands we should just think about shaking hands and that was enough. about a half hour later the little girl sprinted over to me, put a key chain in my hand, and sprinted away. The key chain said 'Connor' on it and it was a piece of Raptors fanfare. I glanced at her mom, who was across the room, and she mouthed 'You have an admirer'. I watered up and actually shed tears. A few actually. Her actions were so cute. so innocent. And the fact that she was addicted to reading books, made her the perfect person to show me acceptance. It was as if a true literary was telling me I was ok. Someone who spends most of her time lost in science fiction fantasy and made up realities, was expressing kindness in the non-fiction world. she wasn't adhering to the emotional governors that society has blocked us with. The social awkwardness of doing something genuine is a side effect of a comparative environment. Comparison is rooted in displeasure (ANYWAY). She wanted to do something nice and she did. It was so pure and the fact that she was so embarrassed, but would endure all those nerves and risk embarrassment made it an amazing experience. Truly admirable.

Two situations in which crying gave me a sense of closure. In the presences of sincerity one can really enjoy tears. Tears of admiration is one of the best feelings I have experienced. I admire vulnerability. Letting yourself be vulnerable is repressed in today's society, but it is one of the most beautiful things about being human.

This is the intro, to my newest subject. Crying. I will generate 40 different ways to cry that aren't related to the cliche 'SAD'.

40 Types of tears: first 10
Admiration,Trust, vulnerability, innocence, sincerity, honesty, empathy, creativity, humility, resilience.