Tears 6: the Crying Window

Children can handle pain just as well, if not better than adults. Since pain is such a new experience to them, they are still not sure what to make of it. It is more of a total shock than a reason to cry. They just know that pain hurts, tears feel good and a big cry can help over ride the pain rushing through their little body. A good healthy cry can mask the pain of a scrapped knee almost instantly, and potentially score them a hug. But the last thing you want to do is hug them or empathize with them right away.

When a little girl scraps her knee a window pops up. Like an emotional quarterback it is up to an adult to throw a positive energy spiral through this window ASAP in order to avoid the loud epic tears that could emerge. For example.

Little Jennifer, Velcro shoes and summer hat, scampers in the park with a sand shovel and toothless smile. She is joyful and jubilant, clearly in paradise; one with the park. Her left foot, in an attempt to keep up with the dominant right, drags and begins to wobble. Just then Jennifer hits a little dip in the sand and falls face first smack down in the dirt. She immediately looks up dazed and shocked. Where is mom? There? No over there? No. Anyone older than me around? No... she frantically glances around to see if anyone saw this happen. Her face swells up with tears as she searches for a parent or fellow friend to rescue her from this pain. Jennifer cannot find anyone as her lip curls one last time. Realizing it's just her versus this event, she wipes herself clean and continues in the direction she was running. No tears.

Now if little Jennifer had made eye contact with mommy or an adult, she would have started to cry frantically. Unless, of course, the adult Jennifer made eye contact knew how to turn these tears into laughter with a positive energy spiral. See below example of a positive energy spiral pass completion by Conor....

Same scenario as above. Jennifer makes eye contact with the older Conor. Noticing that Jennifer is caught in a crying window, Conor acts fast. Jennifer's face explodes and tears begin to gush. Conor immediately smiles at Jennifer ear to ear!

Conor: Safe! Safe!. In baseball that was just the best play I have ever seen!!! WOW! You are so awesome. Can you teach me how to do that Jennifer, wow first place for you!!!!!!

Jennifer instantly falls back to dazed and confused. She focuses on Conor completely dumbfounded. (really? I thought I just did something wrong because of this pain?

Conor: give me five! Did you see that Greg? Did anyone see that?!! So awesome!

Little Greg: she hurt her knee. It's bleeding.

Conor: Oh my god blood! I wish I had blood, that's so cool. You know what would be totally fun right now?if we put some water on that!!! Man I am so excited right now!

Jennifer looks at Greg as if to say 'what is going on here?'. She touches her boo boo and looks at her finger.

Jennifer(tears about to begin again): it really hurts.

Conor: I bet. you're so lucky, because now you're so much stronger and prettier than all of us. DAM, I bet Greg wishes he had a boo boo.

Greg: no!

Conor (laughing): Good one Greg. You're funny. In fact you're both awesome! Come on lets go get some water. But first I have one thing I need you both to do.

The two kids are now completely focused on Conor.

Jennifer and Greg: what....

Conor: It is really important and I don't ask a lot of people to do this, but I need you both to really help me out. Can you both, Jennifer first because you just did something awesome,--

(Jennifer's cheeks perk)

Conor: I need you to give me a super low five.(Conor extends his hand right to the ground) I call this a worm five!

After a long wait Jennifer begins to smile. She slaps Conor's hand. Tears avoided! Pass complete!

Greg: My turn now.

Conor: I don't know. Jennifer is it cool if Greg gives me a worm five.

Jennifer nods her head. Greg winds up like a windmill and executes the greatest five ever.

Jennifer: my turn again.

Jennifer drops another great five, and another, and another.....

Conor: Wow! you guys are so strong. *2nd best worm fives ever!! Lets go get some ice.

Jennifer: Wait! I want to do another worm five.

Greg: Me too.

Conor: Fine, but you have to catch me first.

Conor runs off in the direction of the water fountain. Jennifer and Greg giggle as they chase him. Blood trickles behind....

* kids love world records. They won't believe you if you tell them they are the best in the whole world, but second best they will completely believe. And then they will be well behaved for hours trying to break your 'fake world record'.