Convience Charge

Int. Jug and Milk store

Conor enters, smiles at the attendant, and b lines it to the back of the store. He grabs a four pack of cashmere toilet paper and brings it to the cash. The Cashier is Korean...let's call him sly.

Conor: Just this.

Sly: 10 dollar.

Conor: for this?! At the Metro down the street it's 8 bucks for 10!

Sly posts up...........

Sly: The Metro....where is that?

Conor: The Metro...it's right down there, 1 mile, in Liberty Village. You know the---

Sly: ahhhh....yes...why you not just walk there?

Conor: It's, I, it's kind of far. I only need this right now.

Sly: So it's out of the way.

Conor: It's just, for one thing, it's--

Sly: Not convenient.

Conor sees where he's going with this.

Conor: I guess, but--

Sly: It's a convenience store. Everything in here more convenient. The gum, convenient. The pizza pops more convenient. The drinks, the magazines, the cigarette so convenient. 2 dollar convenience charge.

Conor: Yeah, yeah..okay.

Conor pays for his toilet paper.

Sly: Enjoy your Cashmere. It's soft...and more convenient.

Conor exits.

10 karma killers

10. Not tipping: If the person deserved a tip and you didn't tip, your karma has just dropped.
9. sleeping in till 11 on a weekday.
8. speeding through a crosswalk in yor car/not stopping for the TTC of school bus.
7. not cleaning up after yourself/being messy
6. cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend
5. not doing your taxes
4. lying to your parents no matter what your age.
3. cocaine
2. not fullfilling a promise.
1. not making your bed.

Ying Yang

-Hey. Bro. Sorry to hear about your job eh.

-Oh, yeah thanks man. It's whatever. I saw it coming I guess...

-Really eh, you got fired or was it like a lay off situation? or...

-No. They were kind of a sketchy organization. Like promised a lot of things to clients that they couldn't follow through with. Their assets were all tied, and like the economy now, they had to get rid of a few people.

-Crazyness.

-Yeah. The company is going under. The worst part is I can't put them on my resume as a past employer because that would give me a bad rap.

-Really?

-Yeah. Not exactly the place you want to tell people you were just working at.

-So they were like illegal?

-They were not following through, hahah, let's leave it at that.

-Yeah. Fradulent. I hear ya. That sucks.

-Yeah. Well, whatever man it is what it is.

-Yeah. Yo, so that date I went on yesterday was 'disorganzied' to say the least.

-Hmm. What, do you mean?

-The girl, hairdresser, was out of control. Alcoholic, super sketchy. She passed out while we were making out.

-Really, that's. Like where did you guys even go?

-We were hear, and then we were there, ended up at the Beacer and then back here. So many drinks. It was, it was sloppy. But who really cares about that, your situation man, I hope I can help.

-Yeah thanks. I am going to take a week to collect myself, find out where I'm at. I had a lot of investments riding on my future income. Was spending a little too luxuriously. So I'll be here most of the week just trying to put together a plan to save some money.

-I will be around all week too. I have a date today with that new girl I met last Friday night, but other than that. She's a 3 year Yoga... person eh! But, yeah I'll be here dude, so if you need me...

-Thanks. When I heard from my boss that he wanted to meet with me Friday afternoon, on a thursday, I knew, I knew something was up. That's exactly how they fire you. And we got along so well, so I could sense by his face something was up.

-Yeah. I knew something was up with this hairdresser I went on a date with last night. Hairdressers are on a different schedule. Sunday night is there Saturday. Monday their Sunday.

-ha, yeah. Now I have to some how establish a resume. No college, or university, because I left Windsor to work for them.

-Maybe just lie on your resume for now. That's what my buddy does. They check references but rarely are they doing 'factual experience checks'.

-Haha.

-I swear I wouldn't be surprised if that's how the hairdresser got her job. that's why I'm so happy that the new girl, from Friday, the yoga, is a little bit older than me. Has her head on her shoulders, a good job. Ya know. Won't pass out in the middle of a hardcore make out session.

-so I'm confused. Which one is better the yoga or the hairdresser?

-Yoga man for sure.

-I'm going to go lay down, then get started on my job hunt.

-Ok, let me know if you need me for anything bro. I am here till about 530 then a date with mrs. Yoga.

Coulier's first mission: Mission log

Captain's log: Year 2024 AD. Today Vessel "Float 47" commence our mission to follow out a Canadian flag staking and raising on an unidentified rogue moon in sector 54. Formerly of the O'Malley lunar clusters, the baby moon appears to have deviated from orbit and is floating aimlessly through space. A feeling I only know too well. By claiming the moon Canada will take ownership of it along with all its nutrients and land potential. For the most part moons are a dime a dozen. Every planet has them, and they make better decoration in the sky than anything else. Staking a moon is like making a good short film. It's cool but you're not going to get laid because of it. We only hope that there are some angry moon men on it to fight. Maybe that will give us some adventure...

Getting to know Alcohol: the Irish way

Warning

If you're not careful Alcohol can make you feel isolated and completely aware of yourself. It can create an 'Outside looking in and not impressed' feeling. An awareness of your flaws and your secrets. Alcohol can secretly suppress your compassion and innocence while exposing your putridity and desperation. A retreat into self sloth-ery and glutton which results in heavy sleep and late night food.

The blackout: When too much alcohol casts you away into a darkness that doesn't record time or judge behaviours. A darkness that flickers with colours and alternate images. Pillowed with emotions but safe from tactile memory. What you don't touch or breath isn't remembered. What you hate is never forgotten.

Drinking makes time feel better.
We live in a society completely functioning on a structure of time. Time is so present that we can actually feel it in the tactile sense. Drinking changes the feeling of time. Society even uses time to get us to drink by making certain times feel better in relation to alcohol. Time before spent waiting in anticipation and excitement to enjoy it. Time after, reminiscing with a grain of salt about it. It tells you that the time spent behaving and being productive justifies time spent escaping and being destructive. Time worked allows for time indulged. It reminds you that at this certain time according to your calendar it's socially acceptable to do it. In fact many times are the right time to drink. Time of celebration. Time of reward. Time of promotion. Time of love. Time of companionship. Time of misery. Time of stress. Time of sun. Time of ski. Time of beach. Time of St. Patrick. Time of long weekend. Time of discussion. Time of business. Thursday Time. Time of killing time.

It wasn't me it was 'drunk me'
Most of all it controls us by making us act out of our character; or at least, what we would call our character. It actually takes over our body and 'changes' us. It makes us 'different' by our own definition. Thus, it creates a relationship, or a dichotomy. A sense of more than one. A 'Me' And a 'me when I'm drunk'. We create a relationship, a hierarchy between 'me' and 'drunk me'. A hierarchy of who is better at what and in what situation. the relationship between self and 'drunk self' is a micro chasm of society. The relationship explains why we segregate, specialize and judge each other in society.

'Drunk me' is the fun blue collar worker that enjoys life but has made some wrong decisions. 'Sober me' is the tight ass white collar that is getting back at drunk me for insulting it in high school. The 'sober me' is 'drunk me's' boss and when a problem at the company arises, blue collar gets the blame. Who made what poor decision? that wasn't my fault, that was 'drunk me'. I never should have let him out that day. I can't control him.

We always give 'sober me' the excuse of innocence. The lesser of the two evils. The sober self gets mad at the drunk self, but the drunk self doesn't get mad at the sober self. He would rather go for a beer. With the dichotomy of drunk and sober there becomes potential, as with anything is society where there's more than one, for a blame game. Or rather, that wasn't 'me', that was 'drunk me'. People with drinking problems blame either a weakness in their ability not to drink, or on a 'drunk me' that is uncontrollable and is separate from them. "'Drunk me' isn't 'me'. In fact, we have completely different opinions on what is right and wrong. I should not be blamed for the behaviours of drunk me. The real me is a good person."

Why 'drunk me' then?
The 'sober me' is in constant pursuit of a 'better me'; whatever that may be. However due to the impatiences of human nature 'Sober me' realizes that 'Drunk me' does feel good, even though it is an easy quick 'better'. Plus it gives us a good night sleep. And isn't that what life is all about. Life and death; the ultimate dichotomy. Sleep is the closest thing to death, and we love sleep. Yet we fear death. We say, "I hope death isn't like sleep because after a while I would get pretty sick of it", but I don't think I have ever interrupted a dream with requests of returning to reality. In fact, I have done much the opposite.

marco's morning

7am

Marco Ansipidisque, bereft from the mystical neuro-fog of his dreams was again slated to start his day. He cocooned alone in bed, relaxed, breathing slowly his first breaths, reflecting on his dream. He had dreamed of orchids and lillys and friendly bears and ice cream and sunshine and hugs and women with jet black hair. They were all at an underwater bar and to his complete dissaproval Marco was awoken suddenly when the underwater fish bouncer had told him he wasn't allowed to bring flowers into the bar because he was a 'jerk off'. Quondamed from his dream world Marco wanted desperately to go back to sleep and give this numbskull door jockey a piece of his mind. He checked his clock to see if he had time and, semi-luckily, he had five minutes. But Today he was going to sleep in and not go to the gym before work. He had to go back to the underwater bar. This was too good of a dream, and he would be dammed if he was a 'jerk off'. He pushed his snooze forth an hour and got extra snug. Marco layed his head down on his pillow and began thinking of clever comebacks he could hurl at his nemesis bouncer. The anxiety associated with this process overwhelmed Marco, causing him far too much excitement to drift back asleep. So he laid in bed awake for an hour unable to decide on the perfect insult, missing valuable time that couldn have been spent on the eliptical machine.

Tears 6: the Crying Window

Children can handle pain just as well, if not better than adults. Since pain is such a new experience to them, they are still not sure what to make of it. It is more of a total shock than a reason to cry. They just know that pain hurts, tears feel good and a big cry can help over ride the pain rushing through their little body. A good healthy cry can mask the pain of a scrapped knee almost instantly, and potentially score them a hug. But the last thing you want to do is hug them or empathize with them right away.

When a little girl scraps her knee a window pops up. Like an emotional quarterback it is up to an adult to throw a positive energy spiral through this window ASAP in order to avoid the loud epic tears that could emerge. For example.

Little Jennifer, Velcro shoes and summer hat, scampers in the park with a sand shovel and toothless smile. She is joyful and jubilant, clearly in paradise; one with the park. Her left foot, in an attempt to keep up with the dominant right, drags and begins to wobble. Just then Jennifer hits a little dip in the sand and falls face first smack down in the dirt. She immediately looks up dazed and shocked. Where is mom? There? No over there? No. Anyone older than me around? No... she frantically glances around to see if anyone saw this happen. Her face swells up with tears as she searches for a parent or fellow friend to rescue her from this pain. Jennifer cannot find anyone as her lip curls one last time. Realizing it's just her versus this event, she wipes herself clean and continues in the direction she was running. No tears.

Now if little Jennifer had made eye contact with mommy or an adult, she would have started to cry frantically. Unless, of course, the adult Jennifer made eye contact knew how to turn these tears into laughter with a positive energy spiral. See below example of a positive energy spiral pass completion by Conor....

Same scenario as above. Jennifer makes eye contact with the older Conor. Noticing that Jennifer is caught in a crying window, Conor acts fast. Jennifer's face explodes and tears begin to gush. Conor immediately smiles at Jennifer ear to ear!

Conor: Safe! Safe!. In baseball that was just the best play I have ever seen!!! WOW! You are so awesome. Can you teach me how to do that Jennifer, wow first place for you!!!!!!

Jennifer instantly falls back to dazed and confused. She focuses on Conor completely dumbfounded. (really? I thought I just did something wrong because of this pain?

Conor: give me five! Did you see that Greg? Did anyone see that?!! So awesome!

Little Greg: she hurt her knee. It's bleeding.

Conor: Oh my god blood! I wish I had blood, that's so cool. You know what would be totally fun right now?if we put some water on that!!! Man I am so excited right now!

Jennifer looks at Greg as if to say 'what is going on here?'. She touches her boo boo and looks at her finger.

Jennifer(tears about to begin again): it really hurts.

Conor: I bet. you're so lucky, because now you're so much stronger and prettier than all of us. DAM, I bet Greg wishes he had a boo boo.

Greg: no!

Conor (laughing): Good one Greg. You're funny. In fact you're both awesome! Come on lets go get some water. But first I have one thing I need you both to do.

The two kids are now completely focused on Conor.

Jennifer and Greg: what....

Conor: It is really important and I don't ask a lot of people to do this, but I need you both to really help me out. Can you both, Jennifer first because you just did something awesome,--

(Jennifer's cheeks perk)

Conor: I need you to give me a super low five.(Conor extends his hand right to the ground) I call this a worm five!

After a long wait Jennifer begins to smile. She slaps Conor's hand. Tears avoided! Pass complete!

Greg: My turn now.

Conor: I don't know. Jennifer is it cool if Greg gives me a worm five.

Jennifer nods her head. Greg winds up like a windmill and executes the greatest five ever.

Jennifer: my turn again.

Jennifer drops another great five, and another, and another.....

Conor: Wow! you guys are so strong. *2nd best worm fives ever!! Lets go get some ice.

Jennifer: Wait! I want to do another worm five.

Greg: Me too.

Conor: Fine, but you have to catch me first.

Conor runs off in the direction of the water fountain. Jennifer and Greg giggle as they chase him. Blood trickles behind....

* kids love world records. They won't believe you if you tell them they are the best in the whole world, but second best they will completely believe. And then they will be well behaved for hours trying to break your 'fake world record'.