short story

Fred G lost his ability to sit cross legged after a serious groin injury during tether ball.

He went through 3 months of rehab and physio and is now finally able to cross his left leg over his right. However, from the doctor's assesment it looks like he will never be able to cross right leg over left ever again.

His injury has not affected his tether ball whatsoever.

so no excuse there Fred G.

If a black fan cheers for the only black hockey player on the ice for no reason other than because he is black, is that racist?

If a Rotti place refuses to make their rottis as spicy for white people as they do for black people, is that racist?

It's not racist to call an Australian an 'Aussie', or a british person a 'Brit' , but it is racist to call an aboriginal an 'abo'....why?

Mandarin

Conor and Tony walk the buffet lines at Mandarin filling their plates.

All of a sudden a stream of Chinese servers emerge from the kitchen lead by one with a slice of cake and a sparkling sparkler. They trail off into a back area clapping and singing happy birthday.

Conor looks at Tony.

Conor: Another person's birthday. How does that make you feel?

Tony: There's always someone else at the restaurant celebrating their birthday on the same day as mine. I'm used to it.

Just then another 'birthday line' leaves the kitchen. And another and another. All shooting off into other directions. Happy birthday songs fills the restaurant. Clapping, singing, sparkling, and laughter fill the air.

Tony: (speaking up) Now I feel like a loser.

Conor: Happy birthday man.

They head back to thier table as another 'birthday line' shoots out of the kitchen and almost bumps into them.

Dog walk

Sash walks in front of his dog MAGGIE. Maggie stops to sniff the ground and drops into a squat. She relieves herself #2.

Sash searches his pockets and pulls out a small napkin. He rejectfully puts it back in his pocket. He thinks.

Sash moves snow from around the 'waste pile' and packs it around it like an igloo. Eventually the pile is covered in snow. He then picks up the whole snow/waste pile and lightly shapes it into a large snow ball.

He keeps walking with giant snowball in hand.

short stories

I have swollen wisdom teeth

they ache so I take Tylenol 3s

The cracking sound from when they were pushed out of my mouth still
resonates through my head.

It sounds like an apple is being crunched inside my face.

I start to hum so as to drowned out the sound.

I pop 5 more T3s.

My head starts to vibrate.

I turn on the tv.

Food network.

the volume is so low that I all I can hear is the steady tone of the
female chefs pleasant voice. Her voice is a steady humm...

I turn the lights off.

The TV has a fuzzy glow as my eyes try to adapt to it

Everything buzzes....

Roommate

Conor sits on the couch at home watching basketball and eating take out. Ryan, Conor's new roommate, approaches.

Ryan: Hey what time did Dillon have the coffee maker set for?

Conor: I don't think he did.

Ryan: I'm gonna set it for 9:45 am.

Conor: Oh, so what you actually can just wake up and the coffee will be brewed for you for 9:45?

Ryan: (laughs) yep.

Conor: (laughing and intrigued) that's awesome. And you know how to set it up, what, you just get it all ready the night before?

Ryan: Pretty much. What time do you wake up?

Conor: I would say by the time I walk down the stairs in the morning it's 8:15.

Ryan: 8:15 it is. I'll set it for you.

Conor: That's amazing man. Thanks.

Ryan: No worries man.

Ryan exits to the kitchen. Conor cleans up his mess, walks to the coat rack and starts to put on his coat. Conor looks at his dog Maggie passed out.

Conor: Maggie hasn't been out yet has she?

Maggie's ears light up

Ryan: I'll take her later.

Conor: Really, cause I could just take her right now before I go out.

Ryan: Whatever, I can take her later, or you could just take her right now.

Conor: Yeah, OK, take her later than, sounds good. She looks comfortable right now.

Maggie is passed out cold. Conor puts down the leash and then puts his coat fully on.

Conor: Ok, well I'm going out I'll see you later. Gotta go see Andrea.

Ryan: No doubt man. Good luck with that.

Conor: Peace brother. Hey do you have any condoms?

Ryan: I have a whole box. Top drawer of the cabinet with the lamp on it. My room. I can't stand condoms so take what you need.

Conor: Wow. Amazing.

Ryan: Rather just roll the dice.

Conor: Why not. K, I'm gone. Peace man

Ryan: Easy bro.

Conor: You can get me on my cell.

Ryan: no doubt.

Conor exits.