Debit Card Etiquette

The life of Debit

waiter: Umm , (rolls eyes) if you have to pay debit, you need to come all the way to the front.

customer: Uhhhhh...I have to because I don't have cash.

waiter: Fine. Whatever.

Debit card Etiquette

1. huge lines: When there is a long line you are adding to the problem if you use debit. Why do you think Tim Horton's doesn't do debit? Mind you, I bet if you timed it, it is quicker to swipe debit and get out of there then to shovel around in your skinny jeans for quarters and then wait for some teenager to count your change.

2. under 5 dollar rule: if you use debit for a purchase under 5 dollars you got problems. I do it every now and then and end up apologizing profusely to everyone around me.

3. restaurant "to the front" walk of shame: not all dining establishments have the portable debit machines just yet. Thus customers are forced to walk to the front of the restaurant in order to pay with debit. I have no idea why restaurants keep their debit machine at the front. Maybe it's to use it as a shield if they ever get robbed. Nevertheless, the walk of shame is embarrassing. Everyone in the restaurant will watch you, the waiter will roll her eyes, and you will have to tip more even though you had to walk.

4. adding a tip: There's nothing worse than the awkward moment after the receipt prints out where the waiter gets to read what you tipped. This moment gives them time to decided whether they will say goodbye to you or not.

5. service charges: The sketchier the location the higher the service charge. I was at a brothel/strip club in Woodbridge (@ 3 in the morning) and obviously was running low on cash. Went to the ATM machine and the service charge was 15 dollars. When in Rome.

6. debit card in the drive thru: You feel like you're in a 'Dennis the menace' cartoon when the debit machine extension cord is stretched to its full capacity in order to reach the passenger in shotgun. Simply letting go of the portable hand held device will whip it back and knock out everyone in restaurant. Don't grab any greasy fries before you enter your pin; you might kill someone in line.

7. A poor man's Visa: Why aren't you collecting points? Does someone have to ask you every day if you are collecting points? Do you have an optimum card yet? Jesus! collect points OK. Avion points are nex'shit.

8. A phantom receipt: When someone leaves a receipt in the print out slot it is instinctual to check how much money they took out and how much they have left. This is to compare yourself and the transaction your about to make in order to fuel your ego.

9. Ripping the sticker off of a fresh card: Calling the 14 digit number and confirming makes you feel like you're starting new. Having a brand new debit card is like getting a new pair of shoes. For about a week you do everything to keep'em clean, but after one stain your using them to crush stuff up.

1o. Doing it yourself: The pressure is on. when you have to sweep your own card and do all the number punching you will always stripe the wrong way first. It is always the other way.

11. The emergency receipt condom: If your card is not working it is imperative that the cashier attempt to stripe it with a receipt over the stripe. That thin piece of paper makes all the difference, and if you don't believe me, you're an idiot.