Captain Coulier's blog

My crew and I have been on the exotic sex planet Puregoldia for over a year now. From 40 miles away the planet looks like a pink gumball floating in a cloud of fundip. On the planet one learns that is it scattered with exotic women and men who want nothing more than to please their visitors. I am more interested in the exotic women of course. This planet is incredibly fascinating. Immediately upon our arrival we were approached by vixens and sexy aliens. In fact we hadn't even had a chance to unpack our bags. I still haven't unpacked some of my stuff. The sexpots claimed us as their visitors and swore that their goal until our departure was to satisfy our every need. This of course meant sexually but I was one step ahead and knew they meant that. Then again I am always trying to score even when I'm approached by a nonsexual ugly alien on any planet in this galaxy. In those situations I'll just get to the point where I know I have it if I want it and then I'll Houdini on them. On this planet, my sexual urges, are reciprocated which I find great. Since we arrived I haven't been able to get any exploring done. Just seeing sexy vixens walking around naked makes me so warm and tingley that I can't concentrate. But most of all it's my host Sue. She is at least a 14 out of 10. She is absolutely perfect in every way. Her hair is constantly changing colour. When I'm in a bad mood she has beautiful shinny blond locks that brighten my day and smell like sunflowers. When I am feeling confident her hair turns jet black and begs me to twist it around my hand and pull it (gently). When I'm neutral it's brown, when I'm frisky it's red, when I'm tired it's purple, when I'm high it's blue, and when I'm stoned it's green. Her body type is always changing but is never unattractive and her clothing is always themed and the sexy version. Like when we landed she was a sexy school girl and after being here for a year she has been through just about every profession. Yesterday she showed up to my quarters dressed as a sexy cognitive therapist. She is also a total genius. She is funny and has directed plays. No award but plenty of official selections and honorable mentions, which are subjectively better right? She hates sarcasm, but only because it's too easy. She smiles when I smile and when I don't smile she 'cute smiles'. She has that smell that pure girls have. The best way to describe it is to say she has that female thigh scent. She smells like a bed made out of really sexy female thighs. She loves getting drunk and can roll joints with the best of them. she hates cuddling, and is actually attracted to premature ejaculators. She proof reads and grammar checks all my captain's blogs (except this one), and she loves running to get me coffee in the morning. Everything is great, but I can't help but wonder why the last explorer left her. Why would any man leave such an amazing woman? Is it because she is so perfect? No. because when I told her I thought she was too perfect she immediately farted which is something perfect women don't do. That was probably the cutest thing I have seen since we came here to be honest. I need to leave here. As much as I enjoy her company, I can't get anything accomplished with her around. Or have I accomplished everything simply by being with her? What a tough question. I bet she knows the answer, but I'm not going to ask her. I'd rather die trying to find the answer to the question then ask her. In fact I think I am going to change this blog around to make it sound like co-captain Fred's blog. I'll tell her I found it and ask her to analysis it. She's a sexy cognitive therapist, let's see if she can find the double talk and intrinsic motivation. Wait. She'll know it's mine because I already told her I think it's funny when she farts. Maybe I can substitute the farts with burping. But burping is actually a lot grosser. Should I risk it? Man so many tough questions.