Theraputic Diary blog

Just finished my graduate show from Second City. Still have a throbbing headache from the music, heat of the theatre, emotions, lights, and talking. I had to get home. To be honest, I feel the show went well. Everyone in my group did the best show they have ever done. I also feel it was my best show. But I have learned that this is not the type of thing in life that make me happy. I don't mean working with others. I love my group and it was amazing working with them and I am so happy it went well. What I'm saying is I'm not interested in the fact that it was our best show. I don't get joy out of the result, I get it out of the process. This is not a choice, it's more of a curse. It's being in the scene. writing something, or playing of the sport where I am genuinely interested and excited. When the product is done and I go look back at it I get a headache. If I am creating, writing, trying to do something I'm happy. When I reflect or celebrate, I feel, wierd. It's kinda scary.

I am almost doomed to self distaste. This is not to say I dislike myself. I don't dislike myself. I like who I am and what I am pursuing. As an artist, or writer, or athlete, or whatever I am I always question my work and ability. Also my taste in art is constantly changing. By art I mean life choices. Music, fashion, tv, film, food, hairstyle, sports, moods, coffe brands, facebook status, screen savers, and anything else where creativity is an option.
I am also a hardcore work-a-holic. When I was a tennis player I would have to hit a ton of serves everyday and do fitness everyday because if I didn't, I would feel like I didn't deserve to win. I would have a voice in the back of my head saying, "You're not doing enough. Go hit more balls, or you will lose. "On top of that, I was always obsessed with trying to change the look of my technique. this voice stays there, it's just the topic that changes.

These thought patterns aren't healthy together.

With film, as soon as I finish something I feel like I could have done it better. So much so, to the point where as soon as I'm done something it is my sheer goal to get as far away from it as soon as possible so I don't think about it. Crazy.

I perfer the art direction part of everything I do the most. I think that's because it allows me to express myself without using my actual self. I find the most modesty and connection with this aspect of art. Colours and silences. Using a colour palet to tell a story is the most universal. If a film can be watched without the dialogue (not the sound) it is a film worth watching. As I continue to write and try to make film I want to branch out to some romantic colour silence stuff. I don't know exactly what that is yet. I feel it involves heavy film grain, wet sidewalks, and flourescent pastels (if those even exist)

When I get great news, I immediately start to try to find reasons why the news is not so great. If something goes well, I don't want to talk about it and I feel like watching tv to celebrate. That is my idea of celebrating something exciting these days. Watch football and do some stretching. This sounds healthier than partying, but I can't help but think this isn't healthy. My social life art form has gone to shit. Expand on social life being some peoples choice of art.

relcusive is unhealthy.


blah blah

Women are the Best: Daily

Becuase lots more cute animals and juicy fruits are found on women's sexy underwears.

news, facebook, and beds

today was the craziest day of my life. I aged 4 years in 4 hours. I got the best news I have ever received (I will reveal it when I'm allowed to), and 20 minutes later I was informed that a person in my social network had passed away.

I am preparing for a huge comedy show this Sunday, so my blog has suffered. but I have to do it as I am superstitious and if I don't do it, I will be pissing off God.

SOOOO

Facebook/model and not the other way around

I thought of something that annoys me, as I am putting together my facebook etiquette top ten list. There are people in my facebook friends group that actually post pictures of famous people, or models, that kinda sorta look like them and try to pass them off as 'really good pictures of them'. Like we, the creepers, are supposed to just assume it was a good angle, good hair day, great lighting, or just how they look now.

For example a friend of mine has this picture on her facebook wall of a model. The model looks like her. I could see how at first glance, your average generali could glance at this pic in passing and think it was just a GREAT photo of her. But I'm no generali. I'm insane and know exactly what she is up to. Basically, what she is trying to do is pass a photo of a perfect person off as her in good lighting from the right angle. I have over 10 people in my network that do this. If you do this. Stop, or comment why you do this please. I want to investigate these types of people. They make for great comedy skits if you can portray them from their sincere POV.

COACH CASEY

Coach Casey's life motto. He lives by this, and is in the process of designing a tattoo around this slogan...a perfectly made bed.

'Everybody has two choices in life; either get out of bed, or don't get out of bed.'

Women are the best: Daily X2

I actually forgot to do my women are the best daily post yesterday. Commitment issues.

1. Because when something good happens to a man the first thought he gets is "I can use this postive energy to get a woman!".

2. Because being a bitch is bad for a guy, but for a girl, it's kind of hot.

Politics and Fajitas

part 3 JACK ASTOR'S

Conor sits in front of three empty plates. Tony takes his sweet time enjoying his food. Time jumps forward twice while Conor sits and watches Tony eat anxiously. Finally Tony is done. Alas, the bill is laid down on the table. Conor reaches for the bill.

Conor: It's my turn to get. Right?

Tony: Bro, I think, yeah, your turn. Right?

Conor: I'm pretty sure. So we're not counting those drinks I got yesterday then, I guess?

Tony: (surprised) Oh. The pints. I, um, yeah I suppose we could, in theory. So that would make it my turn in the rotation then. Is that what you're saying?

Conor: I don't know. I just know that you bought dinner last time (points at Tony). But we grabbed drinks last night (points to himself), and now we're here having dinner again and we have a bill (points at the bill), so...

Tony pulls out his wallet as Conor slowly goes for his own.

Tony: That's fine bro.

Conor: Thanks man, I 100% have next.

The waiter, Jason, walks by and Conor grabs his attention. He stops.

Jason: All set here?

Conor points at Tony.

Tony: umm, yeah. Debit.

Jason's reaction says 'debit? are you serious?'.

Jason: Okay... you have to come to the front for that.

Tony: (to Conor) Walk of shame bro.

Tony walks with debit card visibly in hand. Conor and Jason follow as restaurant customers watch in judgement. Finally, they reach the front. Tony begins to use the debit machine.

Tony: Okay....checkings, yep...$43.76, Ok...do you, wait, what? (looks closer at the debit screen) 'Tony you are aware that you paid for dinner last time'....umm, (presses button) accept...

Conor: what?

Tony: I don't know...(reading screening) what!? 'It isn't your turn in the rotation, are you sure you want to accept this transaction to encourage your friends cheapness....ummm...Ok'(presses button)

Conor: (laughs) dude-

Tony: Is this... 'Your friendship with Conor do you wish to keep it or cancel it?' I think Cancel (presses button).

Conor: dude-

Tony: It's pending.

Conor: (guilty) I'll grab it. Cancel the transaction.

Tony: Too late it already went through.

Tony grabs his receipt.

Conor: You're a bastard. You know I got the next one.

Tony: I know, I'm just... (offers Conor the receipt) is this yours? No wait. (puts it in his pocket)

Conor: Make me feel like shit.

Tony laughs at the grief he just caused. Conor stuffs his pockets with lolly-pops.

Tony: (still laughing) Bro, are you kidding?

Conor: Want one?

Tony: They're free bro.

Conor puts a lollipop in his mouth as the two walk out laughing.

Scene

Cell phone ettiquette: the voicemail

11. Voicemail rules.

a) straight to voicemail means phone is off.

c) a full ring (usually about 4) and then a pause to voicemail. The person missed the call. Usually this is a legitmate miss. *

c) ringings and then suddenly the voicemail picks up. The person on the other end saw that you're calling, and pressed ignore call. Either they are in a situation where they should have turned their phone off and are now being busted for having their phone on. OR, they are telling you to f-off. Justified paranoia either way.

*this might mean they just turned their ringer off. If this is the case you're dealing with a cell phone jedi.

Compliments suck

Here is a unique phenomenon I have exposed about humans. Often, when we are complimented we like to follow it with a self depricating comment. not all the time, but it is something that happens so much that I am going to investigate. Here are some examples.

Ex. Conor: "Jennifer, your hair looks beautiful today"

Jen: "Thanks, yeah I decided to try and control the mess today"

This implies that she feels she is normally a mess. She is very vulnerable, and wants love. A flurry of compliments and she'll break down and cry.

Example 2

"Ken you are a great person, everyone here likes you"

Ken: "Well, for now. Hopefully I don't screw it up(laughs)"

Ken feels awkward and doesn't want to seem cocky by actually accepting a compliment. (he hates cocky people). Accepting a compliment will make him feel arrogant and concieded. Thus, he puts himself down immediately. He is the type of leader that constantly needs to be told he is doing well, because if anything goes wrong he'll cocoon and say "I always screw up anyway, what did you expect"

These need to be investigated. I had 10 minutes to blog.

Thanks for reading my blog. You're a really nice and sincere person